The List

I have failed you all as a professional blogger. Not only do I not post every day, but I haven't posted in many days - even a week, perhaps. Give me your eyes, one more time, I beg. I have returned with a fury not seen since I convinced myself to try out for the freshman soccer team.

This is a list. The list. The list contains the names of every hypocrite establishment Republican in Washington that need to be eliminated. This includes the House, Senate and just about anyone I deem worthy of my wrath. These neanderthals need to be purged. This is Part One of a many part series. LET THE PURGING BEGIN!



1. Newt Gingrich - He talks the talk, oh yes. He'll talk and talk and talk and then talk to you some more - all about how awesome he was when he was Speaker of the House during the Clinton years. Funny that he never talks about his final days in the House when the Republican leadership tried to force him out of office, or how he asked his first wife for a divorce while she was recovering from freaking cancer. Yes, first wife; because this pro-family, moral and ethical man has been married three times, and at the same time he was trying to get Bill Clinton out of office this piece of garbage was having an affair with a staffer. See? Funny!

This guy has absolutely no clue. He'll give an amazing speech one day and then give Nancy Pelosi the reach-around action the next. He'll talk about the need to elect to elect conservatives and then he endorses a candidate who is a fraud, liberal hack who is anti-secret ballot, who supported Obama's stimulus bill, who recieved an award from freaking Planned Parenthood, and who was endorsed by the mother of all neo-marxists: Markos Moulitsas - founder of the communist hot-spot Daily Kos. Nice job, Newt!

Newt is all about Newt. The only thing he cares about is promoting his American Solutions website and promoting himself. If I have to listen to him respond to a question with, "Well, over at American Solutions... blah blah blah, Yeah!", I will throw up all over my television screen. Don't dare me, I will do it. Newt is on a 24/7 advertising campaign to try and sell himself to as many for-profit policy think-tanks as he can.

He is a prostitute and he must be dealt with like a prostitute: solicit them for sex because you like how they're talking dirty to you - just what you wanted to hear. They look good from a distance as you sit in your car and as they walk towards you you can't help but notice the swaying buttocks and luscious hips. Then you finally let them into your car and it turns out she's a transsexual who never got the sex-change operation, and he/she is not really what you expected. Then he/she pulls off the wig, draws a pistol and robs you. You are left scarred and breathless, but you gather your wits about you and think, "Did that just happen? Did I really solicit Newt Gingrich for some political naughty time?". Yes. Yes, you did just do that, but you will never do it again, as your lesson has been learned.

The lessons have been learned, Newt. Time to find a new street to walk on.

Here's a better picture of the two obvious lovers, Nancy and Newt:


Eye of Newt, I dub thee.