A Breach Soon Healed

That's right -- Death has been absent for many a day from his homeland, this beautiful blog. He is pleased to observe, however, that this fortress of hilarity and haven of political as well as social knowledge has been well preserved by the Baron and the Founder of this great site.

Why Death, you might ask, have you abandoned the site for so long? No worry, I have been keeping up with the progress of the blog, but I have been very busy with the chasm of the great ocean separating me from my brethren, and as my time away from them lengthens, my strength is slowly sapped and my desire to amaze you all with the great wonders of my writing grows weak. However, I was quickly saved by the Baron, who decided to brave the Great Divide like Christopher Columbus himself (minus the slaves), and come to find me here in the middle of the world. With that, I rose like a lion after a good feast of zebra flesh, and roared that I would not be put down without a fight. Within 12 days the Baron and I shall be united once again, and we shall be traveling the world together to find out every demon deed that must be reported. We may even take a trip to Stonehenge to discover its vast secrets that remain undiscovered, due to the obvious fact that the Baron and I have no yet observed the stones.

However, one of our travels takes us into the most disgusting bowels of Europe -- a trip to Paris, where women refuse to shave their armpits and men prance around like fairies, often wearing women's clothing no doubt. Where pure hatred strikes the heart of every American as he hears the disgusting "Oui" or the putrid "Seel voo play" or whatever the heck it is.

Why, you might ask, would we put ourselves through the torture of entering the land of hate for every American? TO SPIT ON THE VERY GROUND THEY CALL HOME..THAT'S WHY. To enumerate our hatred of our archenemies, we shall hock loogie upon loogie into the streets they walk, to be stuck upon their shoes. We shall laugh as they turn their large noses up into the air at our snot, and go to get a coffee and pastry to take their mind off of the insults we hurl at them.

A LIST OF FRENCH PEOPLE WE HATE..AND WHY WE HATE THEM:

1. CLAUDE MONET

Just look at this painting..Impressionism? More like, I'm too lazy to make a decent painting, so I'll just blot a bunch of colors around and call it a picture. Sometimes, I throw up on pieces of paper and it often looks much better then half..nay, 60% of his paintings. American artists of all ages, ranging from my little sister to a blind man in a New York subway, create better "art" then this Frenchman. BOOM, ROASTED.

2. Napoleon Bonaparte

This midget proved that the French truly are a bunch of weak-willed people..who lets themselves get beat by a short little punk? That would never fly in America..we look for real men to govern our country, not someone who would get beat up by any of the Baron's brothers..or sisters for that matter. This guy made huge arches like the Arc de Triomph to compensate for..well..other deficiencies as far as physical attributes go.


3. Gustave Eiffel

Wow, Gustave..you made a big metal..thing. Nobody cares about your precious Eiffel Tower, any American could have made it, and would have made it better, too. Granted, the Baron and Death will obviously go to see it..who wouldn't. However, we want you to know that WE ARE NOT IMPRESSED, AND AMERICA COULD AND WOULD DO BETTER..if we felt like it.


So there you are, 3 French people we are not impressed with, and who are not as good as Americans. Look for Death to make more frequent posts as he eagerly awaits the arrival of the Baron, wishing that our Founder could make it as well..but it is not to be.