Fight the Fat

The Resurgence of Brewer-Blogging

2010-12-19T16:21:00.005-06:00

This is a day that will live in Brewer infamy. December 19th, 2010. Or possibly December 18th because the story was broke in the wee hours of night. Either way, ZACK GREINKE IS A BREWER.

This blog has officially reopened as a 78% Brewer blog and 22% I hate everything-type blog. Oh yes, a great day for our Brewers and a great day to capitalize on this by returning to form as a premier Brewers' interweb-analyst.

ZACK GREINKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have seen the light, and it was good

2010-12-14T02:04:00.002-06:00

Today, while working at KK I noticed a small Asian woman sitting using the Wi-Fi there. Upon a closer look I realized something great, even through I have spent 3 months in Japan and have witnessed many hotties there, today I have just stumbled up the hottest MILF of all time, alas I think God was forcing me away from her as I left the shop, she was talking to some young asian hooligan. As I backed out of my spot, he was backing out at the same time, too! I was so distraught, I just missed a chance to throw her a smile or a wink or something just to make my "stomach to a back flip" as Harry Potter would say when talking to his Asian hottie, Cho Chang.

But as I said, I don't know who that loser kid was or what he was talking to this angel about, but I think God placed him there to keep me out of trouble; God, I know you are amazing and saved my soul, but sometimes I wonder why something to amazing is placed in front us at times. Makes me think of that passage, God will never tempt us beyond our means; well this hottie of a hottie that was the hottest I have ever seen was too much, so he sent someone to get in the way..."Sigh"

Maybe she will be back!

BABE OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!

2010-12-07T21:42:00.004-06:00

Over the much absurd controversy of what I find as an attractive female I have come to the conclusion to award this gem of a lady the crowning of "BABE OF THE WEEK!!!!" Yes this babe has many qualifications. Not only does she look like a delicious desert of my choosing but she can flip the coin around and actually cook more than delicious deserts, casseroles, tacos, to meaty burgers. And yes as on twitter I have revealed I have a picture of this gorgeous lady upon my locker to greet me every morning and to say a bitter goodbye to me as I depart. Here it is after long awaiting months

BABE OF THE WEEK OF DECEMBER 5TH IS DECLARED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RACHAEL RAY

I'M BACK

2010-12-06T20:38:00.006-06:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8z_5ZtPzWI

Thank you so kindly T.I. for the intro...... bros to the end, and yeah don't worry I will pick up your new cd for sure.......

So anyways this probably my 3rd sorry of all time to the blog for my disregard and laziness to not keep my blogging up to par with the rest of the world. Starting tomorrow I promise a good post every day to lead into a new year to train my fingers and mind to keep a good pace of letting the world know my attitude towards it on a daily basis. I keep this promise to all the loyal people. And hit me up on twitter..... @timnacious now random picture time.....

Time to ride the money horse

2010-10-26T20:18:00.002-05:00

That's right, I just opened a TD Ameritrade account.

Move over Warren Buffet, there's a new dog in town.

Jeremy Jarmon: Session Two

2010-10-17T13:56:00.004-05:00

The very same day that I demanded Jeremy Jarmon be fined for his hit on Rodgers, it turns out that he was indeed fined.

"The NFL has fined Redskins defensive end Jeremy Jarmon $5,000 for a helmet to helmet hit on Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers in last Sunday's game.
...
Jarmon was not flagged on the play, but a review showed that as Jarmon came down, his helmet made contact with Rodgers' and the league office felt a fine was in order."

Good. I am a seer.

Jeremy Jarmon, we are on to you

2010-10-15T19:23:00.005-05:00

Did Jeremy Jarmon intentionally go helmet-to-helmet on Aaron Rodgers in OT of the Redskins/Pack game? Yes, I believe he did. I am making quite an accusation here, and I do believe he should be fined for this. I assume he makes the league minimum and because of this should be issued a citation for roughly $15,000. Or enough to cover the first few treatments of the Alzheimer's Disease that he'll develop when he reaches sixty-three years old due to being a young concussed NFL star.

Did Jeremy Jarmon intentionally go helmet-to-helmet on Aaron Rodgers in OT of the Redskins/Pack game? Yes, I believe he did. I am making quite an accusation here, and I do believe he should be fined for this. Rodgers will not make the case for himself, so I must carry the burden of this banner and tread onward in his stead. And now...

The Thesis: Jeremy Jarmon(DE, Washington Redskins) purposefully sought helmet-to-helmet contact with Aaron Rodgers in OT of the Redskins/Pack game.

Who knows what malice lurks in his heart, just waiting to be unleashed like a defense with eleven Claymakers.

The Evidence: Well, we don't exactly have evidence per say... unless you mean this highlight reel of him bludgeoning Rodgers right in the temple, using his own helmet as the weapon of choice. Behold!

Now, I understand if you don't feel the urging sensation to watch this entire clip, but take notice of the final few moments of the clip - 46 seconds and beyond. Screencaps forthcoming

SERIOUS UPDATE:

OK, here's some screencaps. Focus on Jarmon's helmet as he goes in for the kill.

Ball out

Rodgers can see the hit coming

Collision

Post collision. Take note of the angle of Jarmon's helmet as it is pointed towards Rodgers. This tells my brain and eyeballs that he tilted his neck forward in order to initiate the helmet contact.

Post-post collision. Just a really weird body-position that Jarmon is in. Considering he had his hands flailing in the air during the entire take-down, you would think he was trying to hold up and not hit Rodgers. Obviously, this was a distraction ploy to get the ref to look at something other than the helmets colliding.

Shot of Rodgers on the ground for added emotional reaction.

I think we've made our point here.

The Great Guide to wining your Suicide Pool

2010-09-25T09:34:00.005-05:00

What I do before making my pick. I call it a tease.

Are you sad and frustrated because year after year you get dropped from your workplace pickem's league? Do you foolishly pick the Patriots and the Packers weeks one and two and leave yourself with nothing but the scrapheaps of the NFL at your disposal? Disgraceful, it is. Incurable, it is not. With these painful yet boundlessly insightful tips from yours truly you too can be a Suicide Pool master.

Of course, there are the basic rules: 1) pick one winner every week 2) can't pick the same team twice 3) if your team loses you are OUT

And that's about it, actually. Throw in $20 and you have a nice pot of cash waiting for you, and all you have to do is tame the dogs and outwit your fellow mates at work. Now, it is now week three of the NFL season. Have I made it this far in my own workplace pickem's league, you ask? Yes, I have. I have succeeded where six other co-workers have already failed. They failed because of their incompetence, but also because they just don't know how to pick. There were way too many close games in terms of talent on the team i.e Houston/Indy Atl/Pitt Cle/Tampa, that you are forced to look for the sleeper game. My sleeper game was the Titans at home against the Raiders. I reasoned it out in my beautiful brain and it ended up feeling like the right pick.

Week two I picked the Eagles beacuse I saw firsthand the horrible misdeeds Michael Vick can commit onto a defense. He singlehandedly brought the Eagles back within striking distance against my Packers, and gave me quite a sweat. No, really, I did sweat. Profusely. I have crusty shirts now. So I ended up choosing the Eagles based on Vick's performance against my Packers. That worked out.

In the end, I realize that I have almost no advice to give to prospective readers, and that what I am doing is essentially utilizing a gift that has been given to me from God. I won't say that I speak directly too him when making these picks, but I will say I feel like I am speaking for him. Oh yes, these are the picks Jesus himself would make - were he alive today and hanging out on my couch.

What Jesus would look like today, were he alive and also looking at the Week 3 Schedule

Who do we pick for week three, Jesus? Well that's a good question Jared, because now I'm speaking vicariously through you so as to make the next pick. Ok pal! Cram it - on to the pick. So first we look at the schedule to see if any games stand out. Obviously my Packers stand out on Monday night when Jay Cutler will have both his legs broken, but we don't pick the Pack until desperation time. New England is an easy vic against the Bills, but we are saving them also for later in the season. Strategy, people. Pittsburgh at Tampa Bay stands out to my beautiful brain. Normally they would be off limits until later, but they are still without Ben Rapelisberger and now they don't even have Dennis Dixon. They are starting Charlie Batch. They still have that awesome defense and Palamoulu's hair makes me weep so they are in the running for my pick.

My pick for Week 3: Washington Redskins

I don't need to explain myself. It's a gift.

The Saturday Preview of Sunday: Time to Pay the Bills

2010-09-18T20:59:00.005-05:00

TGIFinley

I believe that the photo there explains everything we need to know about this game with the Bills of Buffalo. If the Packers are who we all think they are then this game should be a blowout. If this team has the same mindset as last years team, then it will probably be close. By all accounts, this year's team is in kill-mode, so I don't think that's a problem.

The Bills are not a good team. I watched the last few minutes of their week 1 game against the Dolphins and Trent Edwards couldn't complete a pass to save his life. He looked Mark Sanchez-esque out there and I doubt he's going to suddenly improve in 5 days of practice. The Pack is much better than the Dolphins so in all likelyhood this should be a very satisfying beatdown of a game.

Pack 34 - Finley 2TDs

Bills 13 - Edwards out at half(concussion)

Beware the Thiesfeldt tsunami

2010-09-16T11:34:00.002-05:00

Oh yes. OH YES. Two nights ago the lovely and talented citizens of Fond du Lac and surrounding areas overwhelmingly decided - nay, demanded Jeremy Thiesfeldt be on the ballot in November. At the very same time the throngs told Tim Lakin to, in effect, cram it. Sir Thiesfeldt, a patriot and extended family member of yours truly, destroyed(putting it midly) Lakin by a +38 margin and captured 69% of the Republican vote.

Now, after receiving a beatdown like that a normal person may do a bit of soul searching and look introspectively on what they did wrong in order to lose so terribly. A normal person. Lakin, right after the results were in, whined to the FDL Reporter, "we don't know what happened. We ran a positive race and stayed on the issues. Obviously negative campaigning prevailed."

Really, Tim? You don't know what happened... Well, Tim, I can tell you what happened last night and I don't need a poli-sci degree from Columbia U to do it. Here at FTF Productions LTD we specialize in an old type of analysis long ago left to the winds. The Motherland refers to it as Állati becsületesség: brutal honesty. It will be harsh and tears may be shed but in the end you will learn from this and improve yourself.

More later...

The Sunday Hour Before Kickoff Preview of Sunday

2010-09-08T17:34:00.006-05:00

Oh yes. Could it truly be that time of the year? Truly, it could be. I am sitting here on this lovely ass-sunken couch, watching American football, eating pizza rolls and praying that Jay Cutler breaks his feeble diabetes-addled legs. I'm no surgeon, but I assume it makes your bones weak and thus much easier to explode on contact. Indeed, the Cutler jokes will continue. After being put on a long hiatus after the unfortunate outcome of the 2009 season - and because we rarely posted here in the offseason - the fury has returned. The year of 2010 will bring a whole new level of professionalism to this blog and its unmatched football analysis, which we bring to you without cost.

Consider: you are watching ESPN NFL Coutdown on Sunday morning just as you would on a normal football Sunday. Instead of being subject to an ever-growing semi-circle of football has-beens and unathletic journalists masquerading as football has-beens yapping your ears off on the tube, why not come to a calm, rational discussion of the day's events in football at a round-table session featuring such hallowed Football Practitioners as The Baron and yours truly.

NFL Countdown Opinoneers. These are your basic comments from the best and brightest in the football world, brought to you by ESPN:

Chris Berman - "WHAA!? Tommy, what do you think of that!?!"

Mike Ditka - "Keep everything the same. Changing anything is wrong. I like the Packers more than the Bears now."

Keyshawn Johson - "Yo dawg, I look good. USC, baby!"

Cris Carter - "These recievers ain't as good as you or me, Key. Right? Well they ain't as good as me.. I can still play! Come on, man!"

Tom Jackson - "Mmmmhmmm mmmmmmm hmmmmm mmhmmm MMMMMmmm mmm MMMMMMMMMM Oh yeah that's right Boom!"

This completes your basic round-table discussion on if your team has a chance to win on Sunday. So, in closing, I think this proves the basic premise that my crew and myself will bring home the bacon every Sunday. Support!

Packers 34

Philadelphia 17

Book Review Session One: Atlas Shrugged

2010-08-11T19:30:00.004-05:00

Just where does one begin with this book? With this hailed piece of literature that has been famous for fiftyish years or so(I can't be accurate for sure, Rand is old and dead so being accurate isn't a priority). One of the most important books ever, perhaps, they may say. They being book people I would suppose. They also being all the great anti-Statists of her time and ever since, ourselves now included. Where to begin, I dare say? I know exactly where to begin, therefore completely contradicting my previous stance: we start at the beginning.

The book is good, to a point; it features strong idealistic characters that stop at nothing to achieve their goals. It has evil bureaucrats aplenty, crony capitalism and the most handsome man in the world. The three or so main characters are so over-developed it's almost a wicked act to have scribed it. Dagny Taggart, Francisco D'Anconia and Hank Rearden are all terrific characters and I love them to death. I feel like they are brethren of mine or even the closest you can be to a fellow kin without actually crossing that barrier, for they are not real. They start off interesting and intriguing and they achieve to the best of their own great ability, all the while sticking it to the man and making exuberant sums of money. But after about five hundred pages of "she stared at him blankly" it in a way loses its zest. Alright, I get it: the main three stare blankly at the evil guys. No need to perpetuate it any further.

The book is great for about seven hundred to eight hundred pages, then slips into the category of good. Ironically, the point at which we finally find out the mystery of John Galt is near the point at which the story started to drag. There are some terrific speeches and lines about earning profit and disbanding government and the like, but Galt's speech in the latter part of the book made me bathe three times intermittently while reading it. The chapter of the book should be renamed from "This is John Galt Speaking..." to "Objectivist Theory and Epistemology: Why Ayn Rand--I Mean John Galt is the Perfect Essence of Human and Why You Must Strive to Be Like The Man Who Feels No Guilt or Pain or Fear."

In the beginning I was caught up in the enormous scale of the book, but then it settles in to the mind that the scope is rather not that enormous at all, and the book is quite simple at it's core: the best in all of us. The best in all of us, which is perfectly fine, I just don't need a twelve hundred page book to get the point to me. I picked it up rather early on. It is an all-around good piece of work and worth reading and it may be deserving of all the infatuation it receives, but I have grown rather tired of Ayn Rand after reading god knows how many of her books now. The lady at the local Warden's Books suggests pretty imperatively that I need to give Anthem a look. I doubt I'll be taking her up on that. Rand is a great place to start if you are ready to liberate your mind from the shackles of a tyrannical State, but I don't think I'll be ordering that poster anymore.

I rate unto this book a Seven Point Five out of Ten. (7.5/10)

Investor's Business Daily, best site ever? Maybe aside from this one.

2010-07-09T20:39:00.003-05:00

Here is a quick excerpt from Investor's Business Daily, some unknown to me but apparently very talented reporter named Michelle Malkin.
Here she is talking about a party called the New Black Panther Party (NBPP).

---"You want freedom? You're gonna have to kill some crackers! You're gonna have to kill some of their babies!"---

And later on...

---Said Muhammad: "Most certainly, we cannot allow these racist forces to slaughter our babies or commit other acts of violence against the black population, nor our black president."

That's rich, given that the only racists talking about slaughtering babies are the ones with New Black Panther Party patches on their puffed chests.

If a Tea Party activist threatened to kill the babies of his political opponents, it wouldn't just be front-page news. It would be the subject of Democrat-led congressional investigations, a series of terrified New York Times columns about the perilous "climate of hate," a Justice Department probe by Attorney General Eric Holder, a domestic terror alert from Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano and another Important Teachable Moment Speech/Summit from Healer-in-Chief Barack Obama.---

It is a very disturbing article, especially because it is true, you can read the entire article here.

On the NBPP website, reading their 10 point platform over, (the link I gave you takes you directly to it) there were some surprising things such as:
1. Complete tax exemption
2. Full exemption from joining the military
3. I quote, "We believe we can end police brutality in our community by organizing Black self-defense groups (Black People's Militias/Black Liberation Armies)"
4. We want freedom for all Black Men and Black Women held in international, military, federal, state, county, city jails and prisons.

Interesting, also I looked over their membership application and let me tell you, scary. Let me quote myself for a moment, "2. Full exemption from joining the military" but in the application they ask about the military, any reason? Not really, why do they need to know? But after that they want all the information about special training and special forces, I'll quote this to you too:

--Military Training/Armed Service Branch
--How Many Years ofMilitary Training
--Specilized Training(M.O.S, Recon, Navy Seal, Delta Force, Army Ranger)
--Specialized Skills (Martial Arts,...

Looks like they were right about having an army, they say that, "We believe that Black People should not be forced to fight in the military service to defend a racist government..."

Look at that, who is forcing whom? Last I checked there was no draft, it is a volunteer army.

Just a little something that I read, though it would be very important to share, seeing as how our president is 1/2 black and did not denounce these NBPP thugs while they intimidated many during the election, just something to think about.

I highly recommend whoever reads this read the entire article and take a look at the NBPP website and see for yourself the kind of things Hussein Obama allows.

Sites used:
http://www.newblackpanther.com/intro.html

http://www.investors.com/NewsAndAnalysis/Article/539846/201007091902/Whitewashing-Black-Racism.aspx

http://www.investors.com/

The raw and milky deal: Session Deuce

2010-06-13T22:48:00.005-05:00

So I've been sitting here pondering this article and the whole scenario surrounding it and I think I've realized that it's even more absurd than I first thought. First off, I've actually criticized the legislature more than I should have, they actually passed the bill outright and then Doyle vetoed it. It was probably just a bunch of fraud liberty advocates buying themselves cover because they knew Doyle would use the pen, but even so, they passed it. And so, the first part of the article is bad and appalling, with appeals to the cavemen of society that make my thighs hurt. Because I'm flexing them in rage, you see.

"Our entire system of licensing would be in jeopardy," said Cheryl Daniels, the food safety division attorney with the Wisconsin Department of Agriculture, Trade and Consumer Protection.

Oh really, Ms. Daniels, the attorney for some division of some wing of some office within the Department of Ag? The entire system would collapse because you're not able to stop people from selling raw milk to people who wish to purchase it? If indeed this is the case, the Editorial Board of Fight the Fat Productions™ LTD immediately demands the resignation of the head of the Trade and Consumer Protection office of the Department of Agriculture and the complete repeal of his office including all those who work under him. If you are so incompetent as to let the underground raw milk market destroy the entire way you do your work, you should not be doing said work.

But it gets better/worse:

The Craigs argue in the lawsuit that the state can't stop them from selling raw milk to customers who are part-members of their farm. It costs $10 to belong and the Craigs have about 300 members. They charge $6 per gallon of raw milk and sell about 260 gallons a week, Kay Craig said. That equates to more than $81,000 a year in raw milk sales alone.

Without those sales, which are made out of a bulk tank elsewhere on the farm, the store that offers other meat and dairy items would likely have to shut down, Kay Craig said.

"The raw milk sales really do drive the store," she said.

Why is Doyle trying to destroy the small businesses he claims to defend?

Wisconsin law allows only incidental sales of raw milk that are not part of a farm's regular business and are not advertised.
...
The state argues that it interprets state law to mean all raw milk sales are banned, except for incidental sales. And regular sales to hundreds of members goes far beyond incidental, the state contends.

"We believe that this idea of this members-only organization that can be outside the regulations is simply not available under Wisconsin law," said Daniels, the DATCP attorney

They complain that they are abusing the language of "incidental sales" and are actually purposefully selling raw milk, which would be oh so terrible. The federal government and the socialist propagandists have abused the language of the Constitution for over two hundred years to the point where it's becoming an extinct document. Citizens turning the language game on it's head to support their own liberties shows just how hypocritical they really are. I'm going to sleep.

Support Jeremy Thiesfeldt for Wisconsin Assembly 2010!

The raw and milky deal

2010-06-13T20:44:00.002-05:00

I have read a little bit about the supposed controversy erupting over whether or not some farmers here in Wisconsin at Grassway Organic Farm in Calumet Coutny should be allowed to sell - my god! - unpasturized raw milk to people who want to purchase it.

As the foremost political commentator in Fond du Lac and surrounding areas, I must tell you I was obviously quite taken aback by the assault on freedom underway by the democrat legislature and Jim Doyle. I'll do my worst to quote the parts that made me boil over the most.

"The operators of Grassway Organic Farm in Calumet County allege in a case before a Dane County judge that the state has no right to stop them from selling milk to customers who have become part-owners of the farm."

I can almost not describe how screwed up the situation described in this quote is; what it says about the current state of liberty in Wisconsin and also just how anti-business this state has become -mostly under the guise of public good and safety. Good thing I have never experienced an "almost" situation in my life. "Shit or get off the pot. But so help me God if you clog it..." my dad would always say to me. Not in so many words, but you get the idea. What I'm trying to say is that I'm awesome was also born with a silver tongue - perfectly equipped to lie and cheat and decieve with the eloquence of a Nabakov novel. Had I not given my life to the cause of personal liberty I may have become a parasite myself.

Well kids, let's begin! The state of Wisconsin is trying to squash consensual buisiness transactions at every turn, and it is no more evident than with this(though this being just the latest in a list that is long and really boring) court case. These farmers are selling a product that has value on the free and open market. How do we know this? Because there is demand for it. How do we know there is demand for it? Because the state of Wisconsin is trying to destroy that same demand. A terrible circle, indeed.

This is what these socialist narccicists do: when people exercising choice and free will choose to do or buy something that they may consider heinous or a vice or unsafe or whatever, they then seek to eliminate the choices available to the chooser until they are only offered items that are acceptable to their own worldview or moral code or however you'd like to describe it. I tend to think in such terms that they just hate all human beings except for themselves.

Again, take a look at the quoted part of the article. They are only selling to members of a cool farmer-raw milk-drinking fraternity complete with 'Members Only' jackets. The farmers probably would like to sell to as many people as he would like, but instead has to cower and placate to the State by in effect saying, "Well we're only selling it to THESE people, nobody else is allowed to buy it.". This sort of faux self-regulation makes a mockery of the very position they are trying to defend.

Admit you want to sell raw milk on the open market at Pick 'n Saves and Piggly Wiggly's everywhere, at market value. Tell them that you have been a farmer your whole life and who better to know if milk is safe to be consumed than a milk-farmer who has been around it their entire life?

In the end, this will ironically come down to a choice(something trying to be stifled in this very topic). A choice between being able to decide for yourself if you want to buy and consume raw milk, and having that same choice taken completely out of your hands by the mobsters in the state legislature. Will you be on the side that promotes personal choice or the side that destroys it?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

SERIOUS UPDATE - Added hyperlink to make it cooler.

Pod pad

2010-06-13T20:12:00.002-05:00

So here I am sitting on the couch - just like I've always envisioned these rigorous last six or so months - blogging via mobile device with wifi capabilities. Truly one of the great gifts that man has bestowed upon his fellow man is wireless Internet that you can tap into at your slightest whim, with almost any device you may hold at your fingertips.

Now, I ha always forseen myself typing the gospel while sitting on my couch by way of the iPad I was going to purhase. Well, I am now posting while sitting on the couch and while I do not have the iPad just yet, I have his smaller and slower older brother - the iPod touch.

Yes, I suppose it is a glorious device. And yes, it does single-handedly make me qualified to run for US Senate. But who are we fooling here? We all know that while the iPod is great, the iPad is like totally even more great. And that alone justifies me buying one. Until that day I will crank out the posts via the pod.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod

Rand Paul and the right to discriminate

2010-05-22T18:01:00.003-05:00

Kentucky GOP Senate candidate Rand Paul(son of Ron Paul) has gotten into hot water for saying once or twice that he disagreed with the part of the Civil Rights Act that forced private enterprises not to discriminate. That vapid and whorish lesbian Rachel Maddow has freaked out on him along with the militant progressive left in typical fashion. What should be a discussion of Constitutionality and government's role in private business descends into a flame war over race.

Of course, Rand Paul cried uncle and just recently said he supports the very thing he said he didn't. I still like Rand Paul and he's somewhat libertarian, but he needs to start sounding just a tad more like his papi and a little less like a bumbling idiot. Just once I would like to see some pol out there make the case for the right to discriminate. Of course, I have no problems with the government banning discrimination on public/federal land like public schools and libraries. But what right does some bureaucratic body one thousand miles away have to tell me who I can or cannot sell things to as business owner?

Oh yes, I am making the case for my right to discriminate. To answer the question above, they have no right, obviously. The hypocrisy is prevalent. They tell us we must allow everyone the opportunity to make transactions from your business, regardless of race or gender. Yet then they tell us who can buy what, at what age they can buy it at, and sometimes what time they can buy it at. If I as a private beer-brewer refuse to let Mexicans drink my beer, what business is it of anyone else's but my own? Who gets hurt the most by me not selling beer to Mexicans and me not allowing Mexicans to tour my facilities or work at my brewery. The Mexicans? No, you retards - it would be me. I would be the sole bearer of the burden. I would take the economic hit by cutting a large percent of the population out of my market, from the boycotts, from the beatings that ensue when they throw you out of town, and so on.

You see, there is no right for this type of government intrusion because the free market would eventually drive discrimination out because it is not profitable anymore. I am now a philosopher, and henceforth you shall read my tidbits.

Pro Status Round 2

2010-05-19T10:14:00.003-05:00

Well met, loyal patrons of the Midwest. Remember that time when I proclaimed in a fit of fiery triumph that I would not become a professional blogger? Yeah, I really didn't mean it then. What I really meant to say is that soon into the future the professional blogging will begin.

The pro-blogging will not begin until at least May 25th, or the few days after that depending on my situation and if I'm able to make it to the Apple store. You see, folks, I am buying an iPad. Oh yes. An iPad. And it's going to be the greatest thing I've ever held in my arms. I will know what it feels like to hold Excalibur in my hands after pulling it from the stone; to prove the theory of relativity; to invent the wheel; to see the Brewers finally win the World Series. These are all amazing moments of human triumph and accomplishment. Sadly only one of them is true.

If you're catching my drift here you'll likely deduce that I think the iPad is the greatest achievement in the history of mankind. That would be wise of you to surmise because I do think that way of the iPad. It is the single most amazing thing to ever happen in the universe. Hubble telescope? Please. That is crumpets compared to what Steve Jobs has unleashed. And soon I will have one in my hands, for the small price ranging from $499 to $1000ish. So much variety.

Only with this tool may I complete my task of becoming a professional blogger. It is my dream. It is my destiny. Something will come of this blog, I just don't know what yet. It will have to be used as a means to an end, but whatever the end is - be it running for the US Senate in six years, or finishing Undrinkable - it will be achieved with the help of the iPad. I haven't even bought one yet and I'm already imagining the possibilities. Oh yes!

Baron's Babe of the Week

2010-04-18T23:24:00.005-05:00

So every week I am going to choose an amazing girl, who is not only blindingly hot. But still very creative and deems to be a credible human to our race. This week I discovered the girl whom I don't know the real name of, but her band name is "Lights" and she is pretty Epic, thus taking home the #1 pick EVER of the Baron's Top Babe of the Week Pick. Congratulations and Give the Blog a holla

Check out the official Music Video of "Ice" by Lights
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AU9-TRVbhkE enjoy the video

Back Again for the 5th time

2010-04-18T23:11:00.002-05:00

Sorry Ladies and Gentlemen for my sporadic posts, but I have been too busy getting ripped out of my mind for this summer at the gym. Excuses may be weak by my biceps crushing steel are pretty formidable in real life. And more importantly crushing those softballs over the fence after the disappointing season of last year with 1 measly homer. How sad. But as a good present to all my fans I will follow up with an amazing post in a few seconds.

NARUTO FINDS LOVE!!!!

2010-02-25T22:18:00.007-06:00

So today Naruto, my lil bro, and I were hanging out. We were pretty hungry for the time was half past noon. I asked Naruto if he was feeling some "Big Burger" we'll call the fast food restaurant. So we both agreed and drove a long four minutes over to the burger shack.

I eyed up the menu from above and seeing the new jalapeno burger posing on the big billboard, thus my choice was obvious. Then I asked my bro what he wanted and he inquired upon a small soda and a large size of curly fries, so I obliged and ordered. So I look at the cashier and notice she is kinda hefty and pretty gross, this is kinda how she looked.

But you know its alright because I just want some good food. So I begin ordering and tell her what I want. I informed her I'd like a large curly fries, a small soda, then a combo #5. Then she became bashful and was like, "So you want a small soda, then a large fry, THEN a combo #5???" And I looked at her kinda strangely and said, "Yes, for don't you see I am ordering for two, thus the need of two cups for soda, and two serving of fries." Then she countered with a sigh, "Alright makes sense." Then dispensed our sodas, Ben and I trailed over to the fountain and filled our drinks with sweet Dr. Pepper and a fizzily Mellow Yellow. Next we took our seats on the worn buttocks imprinted fossilized cushions and adjusted into the seat and found comfort. And we received our food and began to devour and chit chat.
Then in the middle of our meal Naruto looks over to me and says, "That lady was acting particularly strange with me. She giggled as I approached her and she was blushing and smiling like a baby which had just heard a good joke. I ordered my usual of the thick burger large sized. Then she perked up and gave me a wink as she gave me my cup. Next she adjusted the band on her head and asked me, "Can you eat all that, or aren't you a big boy?" Then I noticed a glob of slobber began to drool down her lips and she danced her eyebrows in my direction and suddenly vacuumed the dripping saliva back into her mouth quicker than a snapping mouse trap. I looked at her like she was crazy, but then she gave a gentle purring roar and did funny stuff with her eyes like she was sizing me up. And I told her "Yes I intend on eating it, otherwise why would I have ordered it?" Then she gazed back upon my direction and said, "Sounds more than reasonable to me. I just have never seen a Man take down a thick burger large sized in quite some time." By this point I was really freaked out Baron and made a dash to your table.

I looked at Naruto and began to laugh heartily. NARUTO THAT CHICK WANTS YOU HARDCORE, SHE HAS FALLEN IN LOVE WITH YOU BY YOUR ORDER!!!!!!!!!!! Then I think back to how she was disappointed when I ordered so much and discovered the meal was for two. For she was testing my eating ablility. For I concluded in that moment she judged a man's character and masculinity on how much grease one could pile and accumulate into their gut. And after my disappointing order in her eyes, Naruto delievered to be a promising candidate to her liking by ordering so much food. Naruto proved to be the true man she awaited, like a princess waiting in her frying frozen burgers food prison awaiting for her grease loving Prince to order the right amount of food in effect wooing her over. And living forever after in a grease slathered town where the crisco flows and the meat is never too lean.
When I explained to Naruto why the chick acted so shy and interested in his order he was pretty struck and didn't know what to think. Naruto's reaction

Well anyways by this time all of us were grossed out, even my lil bro and we left and thought nothing more of the situation which occured at the fast food joint, but that Naruto broke the heart of yet another woman.

What a true Villain is Realization

2010-02-25T20:54:00.009-06:00

So I woke up this morning around the usual time on a Thursday which has lately the reoccurring theme of no work. So usually I watch some nonsense show like El Tigre, Power Rangers, National Geographic Naked Science about Doomsday or Time Travelling, etc.. So ANYWAYS on this particular day, which would be today, I watched an episode of The Spectacular Spiderman, with Doc Ock having a "master plan" to take over NYC by allying himself with 6 other villians, Electro, Vulture, Rhino man, Mysterio, Kraven, and the Sand man. So as in every episode Spiderman kicks the crap out of all and wins the day. And manages to get out of the self destructing base in which Doc Ock inhibited upon his planning. But what thought struck me harder than food poisoning from Taco Bell was this you are prolly thinking by now. As Spiderman and his lady Gwen crawled into the escape pods to get away from the underwater base I ponder this thought. Why the F do villains have more than one escape pod in their secret bases or constructions giving their nemesis a chance to escape their self destructing headquarters???? I mean if Doc had just one escape pod in the show Spiderman would be as good as dead after the underwater base blew to pieces and his problems would be forever solved and NYC would be a free for all until my boy Captain America would come rolling into town and take out the trash.

First off lets define what a true villain is. When I think of a villain I think of someone BADASS who takes failing as not an option. This is kind of trait which separates leader from dog, classic example just as what makes Megatron a leader and Star Scream a lap dog. For when Megatron initiates a fight he tends to stick through until the liquidation or crushing of Optimus Prime's spark. On the other extreme, after receiving a beat down from some of the least skilled autobots Starscream begins to whine and high tails it out as a jet asap and completely ditches his comrades like a yellow bellied rusted Benedict Arnold. ANYWAYS Megatron is a badass, he kills Optimus Prime, kills the betrayer Star Scream, no one is really his equal. Even when he meets with the few who are more powerful like the Mighty Unicron whom mends Megatron's broken body into a more powerful being as in the Original Cartoon movie, he still attempts to oppose or use his master to his liking and live that renegade lifestyle striving to satisfy all his selfish desires.

Now that I established what a true villain is I'll go back to my rant about stupid villains. So a true villain never really prepares to face defeat, because defeat is not an option. It's their way or the highway, as the saying goes. So why do villain's equip their ships or buildings with multiple escape pods??? For example in Star Wars all the Destroyers have a multiple escape pods as seen throughout the film with all the escapes by the resistance members like Han, Luke, and so on. So we have all these escape pods but yet none of the higher ups of villainy really care for their common worker, and treated regardlessly. For example Darth Vader never gets a talking to for force choking any admiral, technician, trooper, to plumber. And when you have the firepower to blow up planets the last train of thought would be, man I hope the escape pods work just in case we are attacked by that resistance and can go back home to our wives and children. Well sorry stormtroopers but the majority of you don't have families or even a home because you were birthed though a tube and a serial # of that headless bounty Jengo Fett.

So a true villain as I would see it would only have 1 escape pod for 3 obvious reasons.
1. You are selfish and only care about yourself, thus only 1 escape pod for personal use, who cares for your employees

2. If your enemies have infiltrated your vessel and have taken over, or set it to self destruct, you will lose all of your base and workings, but on the bright side at least you rid yourself of your enemies once you take off in the only escape pod. And you live to rule another day with them permanently out of the picture.

3. The last reason goes out to my boy Nero from Star Trek, for he was hardcore enough to spit in the face of Kirk and Spock and deny help from his rivals. And allowed none of his crew to leave saying something to the effect of "I'd rather rot in this black hole, or be torn to pieces than receive help from the likes of you. Because of what you did to my homeworld in the future Spock" Intercom off. See this is a true Super Villain. Not only does he not try to escape his fate, but in the midst of his failure accepts defeat and shows the guts to go down with his ship. Touche Captain Nero, Touche, a true idol for all future villains of movies and TV to look up to. So here is a salutations to you and your inspiring actions to aspiring villainies in future world of film and cartoons. My hat off to you.

Movie Characters alas...

2010-02-23T20:41:00.007-06:00

So in my free time I've quickly sketched what some of the roles will be. We decided all production props will be purchased from goodwill to create a stimulating and cheap way to get what we need, and the money goes to a good cause opposed to buying crap from walmart. So here they are and enjoy the plaid to the skulls to the bombers.

Never Buy Walmart's name brand Chicken Patties

2010-02-22T23:20:00.007-06:00

So by the majesty of my mother she of coarse bought the name brand Walmart Chicken patties. And don't get me wrong I love my food club products, like granola bars, waffles, heck I even love Orv's pizzas. But this cheap meat served to me for supper was just horrendous, I still get the shivers when I think about it. First off the patties were soggier than Rosie O'donnell running to the nearest dunkin donuts in a drenching rain storm and saturated in her own gross salty sweat. Anyways enough about that beast named rosie, and back to the gross food tho they are both closely tied together. So anyways I take a bite out of this chicken patty thinking it'd be alright, for the outside looked nice and crisp.

So I proceeded to the norm routine to douse the former chicken in a lovely flooding of ketchup, picked up the chicken with my fingers and took a bite. And by the grace of the great Micheal Jordan's dunks from the free throw line I was devastated how aweful the chicken patty was. First off there was no crispness to the concoction. Rather a layer of very dull seasoning and a big slobbery soggy chunk of fat in the middle, with no tenderness to it what so ever. The patty served better to be a chewing gum with all the fat inside of it rather than a tender healthy meal for a young man like me to enjoy and gain nutritional satisfaction from.

Then the warrior I am took another bite and managed to eat half of the patty but could take no more blows from that nemesis at supper and just threw it away, for I doubt even the rats and roaches of the sewers would find this product delightful. Finally after a batch of potato wedges, a handful of sliced apples, and a downing of apple juice the terrible taste of that supposed chicken was cleansed from my systematic taste buds, and the world was right once again.

But if you happen to like this terrible meal worth paying to not eat, or enjoy chewing on fat as bubble gum then you must find this attractive

The List

2010-02-21T22:54:00.001-06:00

I have failed you all as a professional blogger. Not only do I not post every day, but I haven't posted in many days - even a week, perhaps. Give me your eyes, one more time, I beg. I have returned with a fury not seen since I convinced myself to try out for the freshman soccer team.

This is a list. The list. The list contains the names of every hypocrite establishment Republican in Washington that need to be eliminated. This includes the House, Senate and just about anyone I deem worthy of my wrath. These neanderthals need to be purged. This is Part One of a many part series. LET THE PURGING BEGIN!

1. Newt Gingrich - He talks the talk, oh yes. He'll talk and talk and talk and then talk to you some more - all about how awesome he was when he was Speaker of the House during the Clinton years. Funny that he never talks about his final days in the House when the Republican leadership tried to force him out of office, or how he asked his first wife for a divorce while she was recovering from freaking cancer. Yes, first wife; because this pro-family, moral and ethical man has been married three times, and at the same time he was trying to get Bill Clinton out of office this piece of garbage was having an affair with a staffer. See? Funny!

This guy has absolutely no clue. He'll give an amazing speech one day and then give Nancy Pelosi the reach-around action the next. He'll talk about the need to elect to elect conservatives and then he endorses a candidate who is a fraud, liberal hack who is anti-secret ballot, who supported Obama's stimulus bill, who recieved an award from freaking Planned Parenthood, and who was endorsed by the mother of all neo-marxists: Markos Moulitsas - founder of the communist hot-spot Daily Kos. Nice job, Newt!

Newt is all about Newt. The only thing he cares about is promoting his American Solutions website and promoting himself. If I have to listen to him respond to a question with, "Well, over at American Solutions... blah blah blah, Yeah!", I will throw up all over my television screen. Don't dare me, I will do it. Newt is on a 24/7 advertising campaign to try and sell himself to as many for-profit policy think-tanks as he can.

He is a prostitute and he must be dealt with like a prostitute: solicit them for sex because you like how they're talking dirty to you - just what you wanted to hear. They look good from a distance as you sit in your car and as they walk towards you you can't help but notice the swaying buttocks and luscious hips. Then you finally let them into your car and it turns out she's a transsexual who never got the sex-change operation, and he/she is not really what you expected. Then he/she pulls off the wig, draws a pistol and robs you. You are left scarred and breathless, but you gather your wits about you and think, "Did that just happen? Did I really solicit Newt Gingrich for some political naughty time?". Yes. Yes, you did just do that, but you will never do it again, as your lesson has been learned.

The lessons have been learned, Newt. Time to find a new street to walk on.

Here's a better picture of the two obvious lovers, Nancy and Newt:

Eye of Newt, I dub thee.

Percy Jackson And the Lightning Thief review

2010-02-21T12:58:00.004-06:00

So I took my lil bros out to the movies last night. They both wanted to see the Percy Jackson movie so I was willing to take them since we all read the books. So the movie started out pretty much the same as the book. And the movie kept going and the minotaur was pretty cool and the hydra. The camp was pretty inimaginative from what I depicted from the novel. Most of the actors were pretty good except for the guy who played Luke, I pictured him to be the cool kid on camp. But really in the movie he was the biggest deuche within the whole grounds. Pretty much the movie stopped following the book once Percy got to camp which was disappointing. But overall the movie going experience was enjoyful and I'd give it a 7/10.

The movie was action packed, smooth flowing story line of its own tho beside from the book, and to my surprise the movie added in a whole bunch of babes. Rosario Dawson was I have to say my favorite, as her role as hades wife. She was just drop dead gorgeous in this film. The girl who played annabeth was very fair as well. I was surprised they showed such old people in the movies who are like an average of 22 when the book portrays 12 yr old kids. Which is definitely fine with me to have that older cast consisting of Sean Bean, Pierce Brosnon, Uma Thurman, and soo many more made it pretty awesome. Though it was weird to see Boromir be the head of all the gods.

Also The Lightning Thief had a lot of humor for both young and old, specially when they go into the Lotus casino and all eat the cookies and kinda go into a "drugged" state and appear to be high and just start partying it up. Pretty hilarious. All and all I'd say its worth your money to go and see the film, won't be let down at all unless you are super hardcore to the book's storyline. I'd give the movie a Timtastic review rather than the Timerrible cerficication

What the Chief has been cooking up

2010-02-15T18:30:00.004-06:00

Lo Siento por favor mis amigos. My first annual shout out to our Spanish descendant blogees. Anyways all of you must be wondering what all of us have been up to and why no good video posts since my dramatic dance with Ms. Danube. Well I am here to officially announce we are in the beginning stages of shooting our first feature sci fi action flick. The title is still in the works and so is the cast. But what I can promise you is this, it'll be gritty, it'll be intense, alot of slurs, and of coarse a fountain of blood. Shooting for the finale date will be May 5, 2010, also known as Cinco de Mayo to accomindate my Spanish friends. So keep up to date with the blog for pics of the creation of this curiously cultivated climatic contagious film to hit the blog first then youtube in parts later.

My Valentine's Day Wish

2010-02-11T21:22:00.007-06:00

Dear Emma Stone, would you please grace me by being my Valentine tomorrow or the next day, maybe a month or two? You just simply put me in awe throughout all your movies. Not only do you rival the status of a goddess, but acquire the smarts of a nuclear physicist contantly blowing up the box office with your pictures like the high school tale of Super Bad to descimating Zombies all over the U.S. in the craftful twinke searching Zombieland. You could come on over and I'll take you to the best restraunts the land has to offer. What is more delicious than enjoying a good bowl of fresh Wendy's chili. Or going to the notorious Buffalo Wild Wings and devour spicy wings and clench the fire with cold glasses of root beer. Or if these two scenarios sound boring I'll take you on in a game of Super Smash Brothers Brawl and crush you without shame with Gannondorf, because you are probably so terrible at the game. Then we can watch some awesome movie like Blade Runner or perhaps my favorite Sin City. Just throwing it out there Emma, if you have some free time tomorrow drop on by mi casa and I will treat you to the best day of your life and you will be shown the true way a true lady should live, and if not well whats wrong with some wishful thinking. Also I am no old perv but a fresh 21, So give me a holla.........

The Baron

Teh New Worldierrrrrr

2010-02-07T03:02:00.006-06:00

So I'm sitting here in the apt, watching one of the greatest films of modern times, The New World. Like Casey Adams, some of the crew decided to fall asleep during Movie Time and disgrace the entire genealogy of Thiesfeldtdom.

For many moons I have put off the showcasing of this incredible film to the Gauger trusthold. Why?: For reasons only known by the clan. For reasons only known by me. ME. I kick the living piss out of indecision and swab the deck with passive responses. These people have no idea how to handle my sack. And by sack, I mean my sack, which by that I mean my sack.

TIMELY EDIT: So for reasons unknown to myself and to the rest of human decency, I made this post last night in midst of drunkenness and semi-debauchery. Casey Adams? Really? Who?

It's Brewer time: What is wrong with Corey Hart?

2010-01-31T14:30:00.004-06:00

"You know going in that they're going to say the worst things they can and we're going to say the best things we can," said Hart. "That's the way it goes. I have thick skin. I know a lot of fans don't like me. But I have fans that do like me."

Oh, the problems with Corey Hart. I don't think there has been a player - one of the core players, even - whom the fans have turned on faster. The amount of criticism he has been getting over the last year or so has turned Yostian, and it is all deserved.

You see, in Corey Hart's mind he's a really good baseball player who doesn't take terrible angles to flyballs and doesn't strike out on the same low-outside slider every single game. In Corey Hart's mind he is still batting the delicious .892 OPS that made him one of the game's rising athletes and a first-time All-Star. In Corey Hart's mind 2008 and 2009 don't exist, and because they don't exist he expects and demands a $1.55 million raise.

In the real world, where Corey Hart obviously does not reside, we have stats. Stats show how good of a baseball player you are, or how bad of a player you are. In this new found reality Corey Hart has gotten worse each of the last two seasons to the point where he just goes to the plate and flails hopelessly at pitches. Brewer fans remember watching you play games, Corey. You really aren't very good.

Just look at that quote at the beginning: "You know going in that they're going to say the worst things they can and we're going to say the best things we can," said Hart. "That's the way it goes. I have thick skin. I know a lot of fans don't like me. But I have fans that do like me." OK, Great Corey! What exactly are you going to tell them? "I, Corey Hart, deserve a $1.55 million raise because I've continually improved each year in the majors and I expect to improve again this year." To which the arbitrator would reply, "Get the hell out of my courtroom!"

"I know a lot of fans don't like me." Really, Corey? Why do you suppose that is? It's because you are the exact same player you were when you were a rookie trying to fill Carlos Lee's shoes. You haven't gotten better, you've gotten worse. You are Bill Hall. The league has figured you out. You can't hit sliders, you are a terrible baserunner, you are barely average on defense, and flat-out it just seems like you just don't care. See, Corey? Fans don't like you because we think you don't care, and this whole "Aw shucks! I'm not going to change a thing" mentality is why. You have been mediocre for a while now, Corey, and you refuse to change your approach.

And now, for the second year in a row, you are the last player under team control to settle on a contract. You are consistently thinking you are better than you really are, in reality. I think starting tomorrow I'm going to go to work and consitently suck at my job for two years and when the boss calls me into his office and asks just what the hell is wrong with me and demand that I wise up and change what I'm doing I'll say, "Seriously, boss? I'm not changing a damn thing until I get my deserved 20% raise." Then I'd proceed to take a dump on his desk and then I'd be fired and probably end up homeless. But no, the baseball equivilent to this scenario nets you a $1.55 million raise. Frankly Corey, you just seem really stupid.

Oh, and your tattoos are god-awful. That's also why fans hate you.

Daily Media: Session 5

2010-01-31T14:20:00.002-06:00

This is me waking up from a deep 30 year hibernation with a terrible hangover and also some bad gas.

Daily Media

2010-01-30T16:59:00.004-06:00

The Baron saving the human race from the Reptilian Horde.

Favre-loving Journal Sentinel sports writer tries to NAIL Ted Thompson in interview, FAILS

2010-01-30T14:45:00.003-06:00

We all know how bad the plague was that swept the plains of Wisconsin. It divided the state in half at it's peak and then as time went on it was suffocated down and now all that remains is a tiny fringe sect. Oh yes, the Favre plague is still with us to this very day. We may never see the day that the state finally takes its immunization and destroy the virus.

Now all that is left is a tiny group of Ted Thompson haters that will stop at nothing to make a fool out of him and prove themselves correct. The majority of these people are Wisconsin sports writers who, of course, know everything there is to know about sports and do their very best to showcase this fact to the world. Not in a long time has there been an example of such bias, such disdain, such loathing of every fiber of Ted Thompson's being, that I just had no choice but to expose the fool for what he is: a Favreian traitor. This fool, under the guise of an easy online Q&A session, attempts to lure TT into a trap where the questioneer can jump in after a bad answer and yell, "GOT YA!" and then push him to the ground and kick him in the nuts. TT was having none of it.

Behold the maleficence:

The first two questions are fluff, "You're thoughts on the season? Successful season or no?" and TT responded accordingly with fluff answers.

Then, on question number four the writer exposes himself. Let's dissect the entire question right here, right now:

Q: But obviously the offensive line was affected by the situation at left tackle, with Chad Clifton getting hurt and Daryn Colledge and T.J. Lang having to play there. When you put together your 53-man roster, you were OK with Colledge backing up an aging Clifton, who hadn't started all 16 games since 2007 and was coming off four surgeries?

See how he did that? "you were OK with Colledge backing up an aging Clifton, who hadn't started all 16 games since 2007 and was coming off four surgeries?" This guy thinks he's Katie Couric trying to expose a scandal at the nearest bank, but he at least tries to mask his intentions at first. I would say this question was a gentle nudging and most people would not have noticed. Or cared. But I notice and care about many things.

Ted's answer?: A. Well, that was one of the plans. The thing that I think is overlooked sometimes is you can't have a left tackle ready to play that's sitting on the bench in the NFL. There's not that many of them. There's not 32 of them. We happen to have one and we actually have a couple of young guys, including T.J. Lang, that we think can play out there. But when you get hurt at a position as valuable as left tackle, you're going to take some lumps. Now, we've done that in the past and we've been able to play our way through it and win some games. We struggled a little bit more this year.

BOOM, HEADSHOT. SIT DOWN SON, YOU JUST GOT OWNED.

Q. But Colledge seemed to be your Plan A. . . .

What the hell is wrong with this idiot? "But, but, but, but!!..." He's so intent on proving himself right that he just can't accept the beautifully painted canvas of words in front of him that TT masterfully crafted.

Q. You didn't think you could find some sort of veteran who could do better than Colledge?

Wow. This guy isn't just beating the shit out of a dead horse, he's going into full Hartigan on the Yellow Bastard mode. He's pounding this thing into the ground and can't accept "no" for an answer.

A. Obviously not.

Answers like these are why I love Ted Thompson. Ask him a stupid question and expose your bias, then he'll treat you as you should be treated. Like a child.

Q. Who are the young guys that you think can play left tackle?

A. We think T.J. can.

Q. You do?

WTF???? YOU DO?!?! YOU MORON TJ CAN'T PLAY, PUT IN GIACOMINI!!! I can just see this fool raising his eyebrow and scoffing, "Glegch! I know what it takes to be a starting left tackle in the NFL because of my years and years of experience playing in the league and my years of being a coach and my years of being a GM. Just kidding, I'm just a sports writer. Trick!"

Q. You said it before, you thought maybe the line didn't play as well as it could have. Do you think those guys are coached up well enough?

Q. Because this isn't just a one-year problem. The struggles on the line have been going on for at least three years. These are the players you put in place. It seems like it's either the players or the coaching.

Q. Are you actively trying to re-sign any of your unrestricted free agents?

Q. Did the addition of Tauscher and running back Ahman Green - and their contributions in the locker room - open your eyes a little bit more to the value of veteran players?

"Let's face it Ted. You're really stupid and I'm really smart, so sit here and listen to me while I lecture you on the importance of coaching your players, signing your free agents and not having 53 rookies on a team. Do you understand, Ted? Is this getting through to you?"

Who does this? "open your eyes a little bit more to the value of veteran players?" Oh, you must mean veterans like Donald Driver, Chad Clifton, Al Harris, Nick Barnett, Brandon Chillar, Cullen Jenkins, Ryan Pickett and Charles Woodson. Those kinds of veterans? This fool is so blinded by his hate for Thompson and his love for Brett Favre that he has no choice but to ask stupid questions that would get normal people fired.

He really does think these are good questions, and he really does think he knows more than Ted Thompson. Why else would he be talking down to him like this and giving a hint of mockery in almost every one of his questions? We are entering Favre Acolyte territory here, folks.

Q. What's the deal with right tackle Breno Giacomini? He's been on the roster for two years, has barely been active. Doesn't he almost have to start next season to validate you holding a roster spot for him?

Good god. You'd expect to see questions beginning "What's the deal with..." coming from some dude with a blog that doesn't really care about professionalism or answer quality or not looking like a complete douche.

A. (laughing) No, Breno's a good player and he's a good teammate and all that sort of stuff. You know, as you evolve in the NFL eventually you're going to have to go out there and sink or swim, and we're going to ask a lot of our guys, and he's going to be one of them.

Q. So you think he can play in this league?

Unreal. That's the third time in the same interview that he's followed up a Thompson answer with a "REALLY? You can't be serious!" Just how stupid do you have to be keep walking into the same wall over and over again. Pretty stupid.

Q. Charles Woodson questioned the team's mentality for the playoff game against Arizona. Did you agree with him? Did you think the team was overconfident?

Q. What happened to the defense in that game?

Q. It wasn't like the Cardinals were a new opponent. You knew the personnel and the scheme; do you think there was a problem with the game plan?

Q. So you don't know yet if it was the players or the scheme?

Q. Why were other teams able to pressure Brett Favre and Kurt Warner and the Packers weren't? Between the lack of pressure and coverage issues in the secondary, it was almost like 2008 all over again but with a different scheme.

"Woodson, a free agent signing I love to ignore, said blah blah. What's up with the crappy defense? The Cardinals suck! How could you not beat them!?!? It was obviously the coaching, right? It was McCarthy's fault, right? You do realize the defense was actually worse than last year don't you, Ted? Ted???"

After the previous question Ted Thompson goes into coast mode. 16 of the next 18 answers are two sentences or fewer. TWO SENTENCES.

Q. Can you explain the decision to put cornerback Pat Lee on injured reserve before the season?

A. He was injured.

See? Do you see what happens, Professional Sports Writer for the Journal Sentinel, when you ask stupid questions and put down the person you're interviewing? They tune you out and in turn the readers you propagate to tune you out.

Q. But he could have played at some point, right?

Q. So you think the game is important to him?

Q. Do you think you adequately staffed the secondary?

Q. You claimed Smith when he was cut by the St. Louis Rams; did that signify you made a mistake in releasing him?

Q. Do you regret cutting him?

Q. ...If you didn't think he could play in August, why could he play in November?

Q. Do you want linebacker Aaron Kampman back?

As terrible as this series as questions has been, Professional Sports Writer for the Journal Sentinel tops the entire Q&A session with possibly the most loaded question in the history of sports.

Q. What's the biggest regret you have during your tenure?

A. Oh. (Didn't answer).

Really. REALLY? You really asked him that question? What's your biggest regret? Are you Oprah? Are Ted Thompson's free spirited college days coming back to haunt him? Next time ask him what his greatest fears are and if he wants to travel the world or not.

This last question was a pretty obvious attempt to bait him into a Favre comment. You can just feel the hatred that this guy has for Thompson through this whole interview. TT was most likely wearing a mask and some scrubs because this guy is foaming at the mouth. He has journalistic-rabies. I think it may be fatal.

Greg A. Bedard is this fool's name. Send him many nasty emails full of big words.

Daily Media returns

2010-01-30T14:39:00.004-06:00

I'm going to speed-sharpie-draw pictures of people. Sometimes we'll laugh, sometimes we'll weep, but in the end no one will have herpes. I finished this picture after reading Musicophilia by Oliver Sacks.

These drawings take no longer than 10 minutes and are feverishly and masterfully crafted by my hand.

I call it: Oliver Sacks taking a dump while listening to Chopin.

A big hat-tip to Naruto's beautiful scanner.

What is wrong with these idiots?

2010-01-26T19:50:00.002-06:00

So I'm researching aliens and my eyes can't help but notice this article on the Frenchies banning veils in a couple of public places like hospitals and schools. Of course no one in their right mind would ever wear a veil outside - and thus would not care - unless your country is in the midst of a seven year sand storm, or unless you're a Muslim woman.

The work began after President Nicolas Sarkozy announced in June that such garb was "not welcome" on French territory. Mr Sarkozy has since pulled back from committing himself to a full ban.

...

Such dress is considered by many as a gateway to extremism. However, it also is widely seen as an insult to gender equality and an offence to France's secular foundations.

...

The panel's mission, and a separate national identity debate on immigration, already have left some of France's Muslims feeling discriminated against, said Mohammed Moussaoui, who heads an umbrella group of various Muslim organisations.
A controversial 2004 law already bans Muslim headscarves in classrooms.

Oh my! How controversial! How is a "headscarf" any different than wearing a baseball cap or even a bicycle helmet in the classroom? If you want to wear the Hanes on your head go to a private school centered around Islam, otherwise shut your face. But that wasn't the best part of it for me:

Now Muslim religious leaders, along with many experts, warn that a "general and absolute" law banning face-covering attire in the streets would stigmatise all Muslims and have other dire consequences, even driving some to extremism.

Let's face it. If you aren't a lunatic fringe almost-murderer you're not covering up your face when you go out in public. How blindingly ironic that a bunch of misogynist lunatic fringe almost-murderers could be driven to extremism over Muslim women not being allowed to cover their faces up. These neanderthals will blow up Boeing 787s over masks. God knows how they would have reacted to the unveiling of Ray Mysterio Jr's face. But let's not offend them because they're a completely legitimate religion that only wants peace and happiness only if those stupid Jews would all die or something. Rant over.

200 Posts - Find the invaders; kill the invaders

2010-01-25T19:11:00.006-06:00

1. Seek out the alien menace
2. ???
3. Destroy the alien menace.

In the span of one day at the great UK Telegraph there has been around three or so articles on aliens. It's enough to get the cryptozoologist buried deep inside of each and every soul all warm and fuzzy with nice cozy Bigfoot slippers. What was terribly curious to myself was the order in which I read and examined them.

Firstly, my eyes gazed upon this fine examination piece on how if ever we do find aliens, we had better start looking here on Earth and not in the galactic spacemosphere. Fine, that does not ruffle any feathers. Quite the contrary, I'm sure even a naive child would be able to come to such a conclusion.

Prof Davies said: We need to give up the notion that ET is sending us some sort of customised message and take a new approach."

He suggested that the search could focus on deserts, volcanic vents, salt-saturated lakes and the dry valleys of Antarctica - places where ordinary life struggles to survive - to find "weird" microbes that belong to a "shadow biosphere".

Felissa Wolfe-Simon, from the US Geological Survey, is currently looking at the possibility that arsenic, found in contaminated places such as the Mono Lake in California, might support forms of life in the same way as other life forms use phosphorous.

Right. Deserts, volcanoes, lakes of liquid salt, the coldest effing place ever and maybe some rat poison could possibly somehow support alien life. You moron. How childish. There are already animals that live in those disaster areas and we call these creatures bacteria and also some horrifying mutant sea stuff that no one ever will use or ever want to be near to. And what the hell is in the desert? Cacti, scorpions and kangaroos. So they could be alien creatues? Must I go on a crusade to protect the human race against the onslaught of the 'Roo Clan? Preposterous. You have failed as a scientist and I wish other scientists, who may actually know something about aliens, would denounce such behavior henceforth.

However, Professor Colin Pillinger, who led the Beagle 2 Mars landing mission remains sceptical. He said: "I prefer to deal in scientific fact - this is wildly science fiction. You'd be off your trolley to go searching for arsenic-based life."

Vindication!

Secondly, my eyes are drawn to another piece that suggests that these possibly Earth-bound aliens may look and behave like humans. Plausible. They would obviously want to blend in and not cause trouble until The Day Commeth, and even from a crack-pot evolution point of view the aliens would probably be humanoidish because humanoids survive and six-legged bearcows do not.

Thirdly, my retinas fixed their rage onto a final article that pleads for us not to provoke the aliens, as they may be terrifying and tyrannical creatures, hell bent on ruling the universe with a Vibranium fist:

Mr Marek Kukula, public astronomer at the Royal Observatory in Greenwich, said: "Part of me is with the enthusiasts and I would like us to try to make proactive contact with a wiser, more peaceful civilisation."
But he warned: "We might like to assume that if there is intelligent life out there it is wise and benevolent, but of course we have no evidence for this.

This one seems terribly obvious to me. Of course the aliens have a secret agenda of dominance over humans. You get these inbred hack scientists who think they understand what it's going to take once they reveal themselves. They have no idea. These bureaucratic pseudo-nerds don't even realize what the rest of us already know: they will be the first to die when the coming out party begins. They were invited, oh yes, but only to be the metaphorical fugly chick with bad grades that everyone pours beer on.

He thought that, given that the principles of Darwinian evolution should be universal, it was "inevitable" that intelligent life would have developed elsewhere in the universe given the right environmental conditions.

"If that is correct – and it applied to manipulative skill – then that suggests there should be alien technologies," he said.

Did I not just say all of this in previous thought processes? People who know, know. We know what's going on and we're not going to just sit back and wait until this alien horde sabotages us from within our own ranks.

Now is the process of seeking out the alien force. Once they make themselves known to us, or once we finally coerce it from them, what will happen? We have these fraud scientists trying to carry the populist banner of the human movement all the while suppressing it with their pandering and outright preference to alien culture and society, when they know nothing about it. I will carry the banner. I know what these bastards are trying to do to us and I and the rest of this crew will not succumb. God knows there will be chaos on the Day of Doom when all is revealed, but I plan on establishing a city-state in the heart of Wisconsin after the federal government collapses due to bribery, collusion, infiltration and getting the top fifty cities on the planet by population nuked. I don't want this to happen, but it's only a matter of time.

Live by the Favre, die by the Favre

2010-01-24T23:41:00.004-06:00

You knew this day was coming Queens fans. You knew it the very day you signed your signature in blood on a contract made by Satan himself to bring Brett Favre to Minnesota. Now just look at the pain and suffering you've brought upon your state. I hope to God that you repent and apologize to Wisconsin for the shame you project onto our eyes as we watch Viking football games. Did you really think you could open Pandora's box and come away unsullied in the end? It's time to rid yourselves of the Favre bandwagoneers - the faux Packer fans and now faux Viking fans who have no allegiance except to the demon himself - and start from the beginning.

BEHOLD

H/T Yahoo

Donald Drive: Stay or Go

2010-01-20T11:30:00.003-06:00

As frightening and vomit-enducing as the post title may be, this is now the question that needs to be asked. I didn't want to bring it up, Kevin Roberts over at Bleacher Report did, so I had no choice but to examine the topic. When I first clicked the link for the article I was already fuming and expecting to be even more fume enhanced by the time I was done reading it. As much as I wanted to e-murder this guy with hurtful words and slander, I just couldn't because, well, he may be right. He convinced me. Read the article and you will also be convinced.

Here is the good stuff:

In his final 11 games this season, Driver topped 76 yards receiving just twice, while topping 70+ just once in his final six (including playoffs). And out of those six outings, three went for 43 yards or less.

Whether it's Driver actually slowing down, struggling to get open, or just not being relied upon, something isn't quite right.

True, it's only starting to happen now, and it's just one small late-season fade, but the question is, is it a fluke, or is it a start of a trend?

That's the question many GM's are faced with when deciding whether or not to hold on to aging veterans: Is this how they're playing right now, or is this how they will continue to play?

Also this stuff:

If Driver does begin to slow down, and Green Bay is still paying him big money (or even keeping him as the starter), are they hurting themselves in doing so?

And just as important, are they hurting the development of their two young, talented receivers?

James Jones and Jordy Nelson, two young receivers with good speed, excellent hands, and good playmaking ability, are simply wasting away as third and fourth options, while Driver keeps chasing records.

Jones has found ways to still be a factor as the main slot receiver, as he caught 32 passes for 440 yards and five touchdowns in his third season.

But considering he had better numbers as a rookie back in 2007, it's arguable that there is talent worth tapping into, that won't be realized until Driver is gone.

Now, this doesn't mean Driver isn't on the team next season or that we all hate him, it's just that both James and Jordy could both very easily replace Double D. It's sad to say, and the professional writer Kevin Roberts hints to this, but I will just say it: Driver can be replaced. I still love Driver and hope he is a Packer for the rest of his days, but not at the expense of less production from younger and more talented receivers, i.e James and Jordy. Driver will need to take a reduced role and become our version of what Troy Brown was to the Patriots. Be that guy Driver. Be that guy.

On the other hand Driver could very easily be awesome again next season and I would say lock him up till 2019. It's unlikely, yes, but I want to see as many Driver first down shimmies as I can in the future because they bring joy to my heart and also make me want a Big Mac. It's more likely that the Driver of the future will be the one we watched fumble on the second series of the game and then drop a huge pass later in said game. Rodgers doesn't go to Driver in key situations anymore. He looks to JERMICHAEL and he looks to Greg Jennings and to James Jones. We all saw the Pittsburgh game where he hit Jones on 4th down for a TD, and similarly hit Jones for a TD on 4th down again in the Cardinals game. It's globvious to me.

NOTE: I want Driver to break the Packer recieving record. I love him that much.

Stupid Football Thoughts

2010-01-19T22:53:00.005-06:00

"Arizona just got destoryed by the Saints. Yes, I know short week for the Cards and all, but how good are we really?? Arizona scores that many poits against us and then only 14 against the Saints?? Are we really that good??"

THE SAINTS LOST TO TAMPA BAY OMG HOW GOOD ARE THEY RLLLLLYY?????

If you couldn't tell from the previous line, I was mocking the premise of this faction of thought. Playing the "yeah well we lost to them and they beat these guys who just so happened to win against this team who, by the way, beat that team" card won't be tolerated by me, as I am incredibly intolerant to many things. We lost to the Cardinals in a once in a lifetime fluke game where our defense let them score at will and where our offense scored five straight TDs in the second half and because Rodgers missed Jennings in OT. That's it. Fluke game that will never happen to either team ever again. 2010 will bring another great season for the Packers - a team full of young super stars that is obviously on the rise. The Cardinals are another horrible tragedy altogether, a tragedy starring Matt Leinart as lead protagonist, waiting for his chance to make his mark on the world. Warner will retire and you Cardinal fans will have nothing next year. You will suck. Matt Leinart will be your QB and he is not good. End.

This will be a recurring theme now: me highlighting stupid forum posts and attacking them for how stupid and other things of that nature. Stay tuned!

LONG TIME NO SEE BLOGEES

2010-01-19T19:33:00.002-06:00

Sorry for my absence of blogging the past months, but getting a degree in nothing was dragging me down last semester. But now here I am with a piece of paper declaring to the world I can do college work, and even display a thriving GPA of a 3.3, but put the chit chat aside, your probably thinking to yourselfs, "What does the Baron have to bring to the table???" Well people I promise to bring you movie reviews weekly on the hottest films, and in my free time I am taking in brilliant novels. Also I will bring you my random thoughts of the day which strike me as a crack of lighting while I stock the depleted isles at the grocery store, or shopping at Best Buy, or even at the gym when maxing out my bench.

28th Ammendment

2010-01-12T09:35:00.002-06:00

No elected official shall serve more than two terms. Upon completion of said terms the official will go directly to prison.

Make me king and it will be thus.

Complete devastation

2010-01-10T21:20:00.008-06:00

There is no way to coat the Packer loss in a sleak and shiny gloss of happy words and silverish linings. None. What happened today needs to be a rallying cry for the rest of this year - Nay, the rest of the decade. As if scoring 45 points on a team isn't humiliating enough, this defense needs to be humiliated publicly from within the organization - preferably by Aaron Rodgers himself. Oh, yes, I'm sure they already know how terribly they played and I'm sure they feel just awful about it, but this is par for the course as far as Packer defense is concerned. There was a moment on the sidelines after the defense let the Cardinals score a touchdown on their fifteenth straight possession and $21 million man Brandon Chillar walked by Rodgers and gave him a pat on the helmet as if to say, "You know, we're really sorry about being so bad and all, but you're going to have to win this game. I mean, just look at us!" I completely expected Rodgers to rip off his helmet and drop an F-bomb and a quick "SOMEONE MAKE A PLAY" quip right in Chillar's grill - thus spurring us on to victory. Alas, it was not so.

It must take one cool customer to not snap during that game and just tear into the defense with vulgarities and many harsh tones. Were I in the shoes of Rodgers, this is exactly what I would have done, because I wear my heart on my sleeve and I don't make apologies. Sorry. OK, so maybe Rodgers is smart for not calling anyone out, though I doubt he ever would. He's the man and nothing is going to change that.

I have always been one to blame referees on a whim, so this should come as no suprise to anyone who watches NFL games: refs are awful. They have not yet reached NBA level awful, though that will be difficult to accomplish because the NFL is not a sitcom complete with fixed outcomes and moments of family friendliness like the NBA is. Larry Fitzgerald was putting Woodson on his back all game long, Rodgers gets a direct helmet to the face, JMF gets shoved while on the ground after a play is over, Cullen Jenkins is punished for being held and pushed into Elijah Warner and the list of grievances goes on and on.

Last play of the game:

But it shouldn't have been a facemask penalty or anything.

Sour grapes? Of course it's sour grapes. I have a soul, do I not?

And if I have to see Jarrett Bush play one more down of defensive football for the Packers I will personally sabotage his food supply with hallucinogenic mushrooms and get him banned from the league. Don't make me do it Jarrett. For your own sake.

FURIOUS UPDATE: nfl.com has the facemask picture right on the front page. OPEN YOUR EYES

This. Cannot. Happen.

2010-01-07T21:25:00.005-06:00

I have never been one to call for impeachment of the man who holds the highest office in the history of offices, but if this is not a cause for incredibly vicious action, not even the spilling of blood will sway.

Fans of the ABC series about marooned plane crash survivors fear President Barack Obama will give his State of the Union address Feb. 2.

That's the same day as the three-hour premiere of the final season of "Lost."

I prefer not to use profanity on this forum, for I much rather prefer to wax poetically and show off my vocabulary skills to the lovely ladies that may drop by, but I've never needed to swear more in my life. This is pure bullshit. Should this happen, I will be demanding an immediate resignation by President Obama and his entire cabinet and their complete staff of underlings. No one, not even Matthew Fox himself, could keep me from seeing this premiere on February 2nd.

So help me God, if I have to be kidnapped by a gang of Columbian coke dealers just to watch LOST on a tiny thirteen inch TV in a feces-ridden shack somewhere outside of Santa Marta, I would not think twice about the situation and would gladly accept the premise just so I could gaze into Sawyer's starry eyes as he projects cynisism and toughness, yet snarkiness as well, towards his cast-away-mates and fall back into my happy state that exists only during LOST season.

Get off my ass, Barack. You are not bigger than LOST, and I demand you recant.

Peter King is smart and handsome

2010-01-06T10:20:00.006-06:00

Normally I would not read Sports Illustrated because I have disassociated myself with the magazine format. But this happened to be on the webnets so I quickly devoured it with my piercing retinas. Peter King is apparently some sort of writer and he writes about sports and things, so he made the annual list of players he likes more than others and calls it his All-Pro team. He opens with the typical establishment dribble about the formula he uses to calculate his picks and so on until we finally actually get to the picks. And as soon as my eyes glazed upon his first pick for his "All-Pro" team, disgust took hold of my body like it rarely ever does.

Offense

WR Vincent Jackson, San Diego.
He's very slightly more consistent and just as game-breaking as Andre Johnson.

I'll just repeat that line for you: He's very slightly more consistent and just as game-breaking as Andre F. Johnson. Either Peter is getting a little nookie from VJ on the side, or he's just plain stupid, and I have it on good authority that Peter King is a eunuch, so I'm siding on the stupid area. Andre Johnson. Andre "Leads the League in Receiving Yards"Johnson. That Andre Johnson. I'm sure Peter King did a quick check of the stat sheet before doing this pick, right? No need to double check.

Andre Johnson: 101 rec. 1569 yards / 98.1 yards per game / 9TD

Vincent Jackson: 68 rec. 1167 yards / 77.8 yards per game / 9TD

Even with a quick glance at the numbers or even from watching a 10 second clip of Andre Johnson playing the game of football, we can clearly see that he is the best receiver in the league and Peter King is a typical retarded troglodyte establishment sports writer who picks players he "likes" or "feels good about" over players who are much more incredibly productive. It's like baseball season all over again.

Just take a look at his first phrase, "He's very slightly more consistent..." How do you even think something like that if you're not just blatantly lying or not miming Sloth. I could go further and look at the game logs of each individual game and find out that Johnson only had two games where he had less than 4 receptions(2 rec against Oakland and 2 rec against San Francisco), while Vincent Jackson just averaged 4.5 receptions per game and had twelve games of 5 receptions or fewer. Johnson had six games of 8+ receptions including three games where he had ridiculous 10+ receptions - of which Jackson had zero.

So we are left with the conclusion that Vincent Jackson is slightly more consistently bad than Andre Johnson and that Peter King lost his eyesight at the tender age of 34, and has been forever cursed into making random guesses of which players are good based on the beautiful painted oral canvases crafted by Joe Buck's velvety cords.

On the other hand...

Executive
Ted Thompson, G.B.

This has to go back to his faith in Aaron Rodgers in June 2008, when Brett Favre wanted to come back and Thompson said no. But recent drafts of Greg Jennings and Clay Matthews, and the free-agent signing of Charles Woodson hit its zenith this year.

Alright, he's not so bad.

The time has come

2010-01-05T18:47:00.003-06:00

After twoish years and just nigh of two hundred posts the time has come for great men to do great things. I am talking about myself, of course and am of course referring to going pro. Oh yes, the time has come for me to raise my game to unprecedented levels of professionalism and then maybe one day it will be worth around $17mill and I can sell it for a yacht and sail the sea forever, and all ofthe free time spent writing my new book - an autobiography entitled "Me and Why I'm Great".

I have narrowed down the purpose of this forum to one thing: begin the end to human culture atrocities everywhere. Whenever feral animals try to gain 'person' status, I will be there to crush them like the savage beasts they are. Whenever Clay Matthews does not win Defensive Rookie of the Year, I will be there to degrade sports writers everywhere as disgusting neanderthals that do not know sports. Basically, I know lots of good things and most other people know of very little good things. Stay tuned for daily updates because that's what professionals do!

UPDATE: Here is another travesty of a best rookies list. Michael Oher is atop. Sure, he's good and all, but where would he be without Sandra Bullock to guide him?

UPDATE II: The list is a travesty because Clay Matthews is at No. 6.

The Saturday Preview of Sunday: Playoff Preparation

2010-01-02T18:00:00.005-06:00

As the loyalists around here may know and recall, I was among the very first to be on the Woodson for Defensive Player of the Year bandwagon. Indeed, it was I who was driving the very vehicle - complete with zero passengers. And also indeed, it was I who even nominated him for consideration for the MVP award - something that would boggle the minds of the weak and confuse the strong.

It took more than a month to reach fruition, but the old dogs in the newspaper business finally decided to start watching Woodson play games and one by one are all trying to cram into my bus. I will not have it. I will not stand for it. Now granted, it may be reassuring to have your opinions and football genius validated by a bunch Favre mongers, but I do not want it in the least. I will probably be demanding a full retraction of these articles as they are clearly violating some sort of copyright and as a free thinking libertarian that just doesn't jive with how I roll.

There are other examples of this heinous behavior, but I needn't go on. Packer related traffic is near sacred and should be treated as such; so I will not be linking any more of this putrocity in this post.

Now, as for Sunday. McCarthy has never really been one to rest players for full games ala the Colts, but you'd have to think that he will be pulling starters throughout the game. I'd prefer it if the starters didn't have to play past the third quarter, as the game should be well in hand by then. Local chatter seems to suggest that this will be a week 17 preseason game - a Matty Flynn and Matt Leinart reunion of beautiful days gone by, when Flynn was handing off to a white running back and when Leinart did not yet know to scent of Paris Hilton's undergarments. Oh yes, happier days, indeed. Luckily for all involved this scenario need not play out and it should be a decent romp by our Packers, with Woodson once again proving that he is deserving of the PoTY trophy by shutting down Fitzgerald and Boldin - one with each of the arms God bestowed upon him.

Pack 27

Cards 20

Tiger exits with a whimper, not a roar. I don't care.

2009-12-12T10:53:00.006-06:00

Tiger Woods is leaving golf; forever, for a year? Who really knows. I know on this blog we do not talk much about golf, but for all of us it is a deep passion rich with generations of history of golf greats. (I think I may be related to Arnold Palmer)

Now, I have been a tiger fan at times, but really I have never ultimately cared too much. I may have rooted for him because he was a great golfer at times, and I never cared that he was a black golfer, triumphing through adversity and making it big, what a crock of bullshit. And anyway, look at Vijay Singh, he was a black golfer, oh wait no, he was an African golfer, that is completely different. I mean look at this picture:

Look at him, he is far too black for anyone to care about.

Anyway, no matter what happens with Tiger, I am not that worried. When it comes to golf my first and greatest will always be my pal Phil Mickelson (He too, may be a distant relative of mine). You put that Jacket on, Phil. There will be more to come, I also smell a Grand Slam coming soon.

Rage Against the Post

2009-12-04T19:10:00.007-06:00

While surfing the intertubes at work today I came upon a tidbit correction that made me laugh. Yes, I know what you're thinking: just how many stupid things make you laugh? Well, that is a question that I could expound upon for many minutes, but I will only name a few here. Things that make me laugh include: fat people, mullets, old people that yell at stuffed animals, old people in general, the Twilight movies, feces and homeless people.

Now that I've revealed far too much about my personal life we are on to the correction from the Washington Post.

A Nov. 26 article in the District edition of Local Living incorrectly said a Public Enemy song declared 9/11 a joke. The song refers to 911, the emergency phone number.

And that's it. That's the correction. No name of the journalist or author who screwed up or anything. At this point a normal, unthinking, rational person would say, "Oh, that silly paper's gone and done it again! Shucks!" - as they sit down and enjoy their oat bran and bologna sandwich breakfast - and just let it be. But my friends, we all know that I am an abnormal, irrational thinking person who most certainly does not enjoy bologna sandwiches, and I will not sit by and let this travesty of journalism correct itself. I must correct it for Rage fans everywhere. De la Rocha must have his vengeance. Viva Morello!

--Correction--

After actually reading the quoted item above it has come to my knowledge that it was referring to a Public Enemy song - not a Rage Against the Machine song as I had assumed. Also after perusing through the Post's archives and many other great and valuable resources at my disposal, I have not found the original article. Sadness greets us with a heavy hand, and we weep at its behest.

Rodgers and Woodson

2009-12-02T10:13:00.006-06:00

Near the end of the Dallas game there was a moment in utter coolness that shattered all previous barriers before it. Nothing to come after it will ever reach the apex reached on the victorious and tear-filled evening. I speak, of course, of Aaron Rodgers' and Charles Woodson's Clint Eastwood-esque handshake at the end of the game.

Many waning moons I have searched for this picture. I finally had to ask the assistance of some football/internet nerds and this morning they came through for me, much to my own happiness.

Do you dare let your eyes watch History itself unfold?

The Epitome of the Epitomized

2009-12-01T21:15:00.003-06:00

Aaron Rodgers is the best quarterback ever. There's nerd-stats to prove it.

Get the man an O-line and he'll be even bester.

The Blood of a Smurf

2009-12-01T19:16:00.005-06:00

This morning before work I briefly imagined what the aftermath of a grizzly scene of smurf cannibalization would look like. It was not pretty, and I gleeked all over my computer screen. Horrifying, yes. Then, I deduced, you can't have a cannibalistic scene of any kind without a lot of blood. So what would smurf blood look like? Would it be blue as our own human blood - only to be turned red once oxygenated? Would they be opposites of ourselves - possessing red blood in the veins and bleeding true blue once it hits the air? So many questions, the last being least likely and also a dumb question.

Smurfs are mammalistic(maybe?) bipeds similar to ourselves. They are obviously not primates due to their incredibly disproportionate bodies and blue pigmented skin. They are closer to aliens than primates. Has anyone ever felt a smurf skin? They could have scales for all we know. That alone would change their blood-type a great deal, indeed.

Based on earlier studies I found the blood to be possibly a greenish, and now based upon further examination of the color wheel I have come to the conclusion that smurf blood is a yellowish color. Now, we must take into account that I had to use yellow as our skin color - to match up the scientific data that I had to examine before my outcome.

DATA:

Now, these graphs are quite complicated. I made them myself, of course. They show that humans have a pasty yellowish hue about them and also have blue blood coarsing through their veins. By the same flawless logic we take the opposite of smurf epidermis - which happens to be a incredibly horrifying yellow.

On to more studies!

This graph shows normal human blood - derived by traveling three hues in the clockwise directions.

Incredible. Smurf "blood" is a very sensitive shade of teal. This is a boundary breaker. Never before have we known that killing a smurf and smearing its blood all over your body will make you glow in the dark. You could likely attribute the glow to a form of radiation. It sickens me to even think it, but they just may be an alien race, basking in the nuclear waste of their spacecraft. We may never know, but for at least a day, science has triumphed!

Vote for Chuck

2009-11-27T22:48:00.007-06:00

In 1986 Lawrence Taylor put up coke-fiend like numbers with 105 tackles, 20 1/2 sacks, and three forced fumbles. 1986 is also the last time a defensive player won the NFL MVP award. A travesty, no doubt. I am here to make a mockery of the system and to bring about an end to the status quo, as it just will not do any longer. Why must we give the award to an offensive player every season? Why give the award to one who is not worthy when there is clearly a defensive guru - spreading his gospel among his 10 disciples - who does deserve the award.

That guru is Charles Woodson. Guru Woodson also happens to be the Packers' best player, and in turn one of the best current players in the NFL. He has already matched most of his numbers from the previous three seasons - 50 tkl, 2 sack, 7 int, 2TD, 4FF - and we still have 5 games to go. Simply put, Woodson has taken it to eleven. When Woodson gets a turnover, it matters. His interceptions have led to 35 points. He will easily pass 10 interceptions this season, something that 2004 Defensive Player of the Year Ed Reed has not done. Something 2007 Defensive Player of the year and also Pro Bowl safety Bob Sanders wishes he could say for himself - he cannot, as he won the trophy that year with only 2 interceptions and 3.5 sacks!!! But he's a little tiny man and he's kinda fast! Therefore, Bob wins.

No one has gotten more than ten interceptions in a season since 1981 - when the great Everson Walls did it for the Brokebacks down in Dallas - and Woodson has a beautiful chance to do it.

Woodson's stats averaged out for the rest of the season would go as follows: 73~ tackles, 3.5~ sacks, 10~ interceptions, 3~touchdowns, 6~forced fumbles. Of course, that's just doing nerd math to get those numbers, so who knows if he can exceed it in five games. Coming up on the schedule is a Monday night game against an int-prone(kinda sorta) QB in Flacco and you just know C-Wood is going to look good for his national audience. And I mean real good. Like me having The Baron buy me a dark grey suit at Good Will to go with my lesser grey and also slightly checkered pants so I can look good at a wedding kind of good. Trust me, it was real good. I'll post pictures if I have to.

If you can win(not anymore but just maybe) the MVP for sacks you should be even more so qualified to win the award for turnovers. Woodson could end the year with 15+ turnovers to his credit and adding on to his leading-to-point-and-total-point total of 35. Sacks are great and all, but turning the ball over to your offense right there - or even scoring himself - is much more valuable. My god, what more can Woodson do? He plays three positions for the Packers, his interceptions come at incredibly timely moments in the game, and he's just all around awesome.

Woodson for MVP - for without him we are not going to the playoffs. Aaron Rodgers can grow his beard as long as he wants, but until Woodson is off the team he will be my favorite Packer. Yes I just said it - Charles Woodson is my favorite Packer. Start making the C-WOOD MVP signs for Lambeau - we only have two home games left, so we must make it count. RALLY THE TROOPS!

The Saturday preview of Sunday

2009-11-14T14:05:00.007-06:00

"Follow my lead."

"Hey, Tony, you blew the game just now."
*sniff* "Shut up, man!"

Once again, it has come time for some serious analysis by yours truly. The strong-willed Aaron Rodgers(see above) and his rugged band of league average teammates take on the weak, feeble-minded Tony Romo(also see above). Did you know his last name rhymes with homo? I mean for god's sake! You just never know who the NFL will let play in the league these days. On to the game.

The Packers need - NEED - this win. Bad. They need it so badly the players and head coach are calling it a must win:

Colledge: "Sunday is absolutely a huge game,"
Jennings: "Definitely got to have this game. Got to have it."
Driver: "Oh, of course, this is a must-win,"
McCarthy: "We really want to win the game this week,"

Now, McCarthy is a master of coach-speak, so I'll have to translate for you - as I am fluent. What he really said is, "If these guys don't win for me on Sunday I won't make the playoffs and they'll can my ass. We're really going to have to clean up our house this week." And blah blah blah and a couple references to "technique" and "commitment to the run". If he wants some extra motivation he can get faux-enraged by Patrick Crayton's little jab.

And lastly we will have Johnny Jolly summarize our pre-game coverage for you: "I mean, they big, we big. They got a nice line. We got a nice D-line, too."

Well done, Johnny. Packers need this game or else it's curtains for the rest of the season. Green Bay has the 5th ranked defense and 8th ranked offense and yet they are 4-4. That will end this week when our defensive line finally steps up and gets to Romo four times. Yes, four sacks of Romo. Sack of Romo could be the name of a very rare spice, indigenous only to Tomah, Winconsin - or it could be the name of a gay porn movie, of which he is likely to be the star. Please, Packers, let's put the gay porn star in his place - THE LOSS COLUMN.

Packers - 31
Girls - 20

Mike McCarthy and the rising opposition

2009-11-09T18:27:00.003-06:00

With the pathetic display of incompetence in Tampa Bay on Sunday there has been more and more anger directed at my boy Mike McCarthy. Yes - My boy. McCarthy is a buffoon, they say - a hack who never would have been hired had Ted Thompson not come calling looking for his own personal Yes Man to do exactly as he pleases. Well, friends. It's time for some serious analysis.

When McCarthy took over this team it was in the midst of a train wreck. The Packers had just finished a 4-12 season where their best player threw 29 INTs and had easily the worst year of his career(I'm talking about Brett Favre, by the way). Ted Thompson finally rid us of the great evil that was Mike Sherman and in walked the new Mike.

Just look at some of the names on this 2006 roster - McCarthy's first season: Koren Robinson, Samkon Gado, Vernand Morency, Noah Herron, Shaun Bodiford, Carlyle Holiday, Brandon Miree, Chris Francies, Ben Taylor, Jason Hunter, Kenderick Allen and - best of all - Robert Ferguson. Do you think any of those players could've made it on the Packers squad out of training camp this season? That would be a large "negative". This is the team of scrubs with a QB that everyone wanted to retire after his awful 2005 season - I remember, I was there - and a rookie coach.

McCarthy's first season saw immediate improvement. Sherman had possibly the worst year of coaching in the history coaching in 2005. Favre didn't care, Sherman maybe, possibly cared, but he was too busy doing Cellcom commercials and looking like a marshmellow to show up on Sundays. The 2005 Packers were projected at right around 7-9 based on their point differential(298 scored / 344 allowed / -46 diff) and they finished 4-12. Three wins worse than was warranted. Could that be coaching? Maybe.

The 2006 Packers point differential put them about one win worse than the 2005 team at 6-10. Of course, they finished 8-8 and McCarthy was looked at as a possible rising star along with Sean Payton. So how could McCarthy take basically the same terrible team and make them four wins better? How did he get Favre to cut his interceptions by ELEVEN in one season? Coaching? Maybe

The 2007 Packers were an unstoppable force, going 13-3 and going to the NFC title game. Based on point diff once again, they were at 11.5-4.5. So once again they performed better than the stats would dictate. It was a perfect blend of Ted Thompson's draft picks being in second and third years and now stepping up, Favre having one of the best years of his career, and McCarthy coaching his way to being the likely choice for Coach of the Year had Bill Belicheck and the Patriots not gone 16-0 and ruined everything.

2008 turned out to be a wasted season but the numbers show they were a 9-7 team. Much like this season the talent is there(should be 5-3, maybe even 6-2) but the record isn't showing it. Could it be coaching? How can you go from being almost Coach of the Year to being a complete football illiterate? You can't. My boy hasn't forgotten how to coach(see: Aaron Rodgers) and he hasn't lost the team, contrary to what the TT haters want to believe.

But the Packers do seem to have lost the mental toughness they had in '06 and '07. '06 where they started 1-4 and where they won their final four games. '07 where they won in Kansas City and at Mile High back to back weeks. You can't lose something like that just by losing Brett Favre, can you? I hope not or we are all doomed. Can you coach toughness? I'd think having Kevin Greene screaming and headbutting people on the sidelines in between calling plays would add to the toughness factor a bit more.

Something is amiss, but as of now I can't say it is McCarthy. We will let the final eight games play out before coming to a decision.

Ted Thompson and the Duel of Fates

2009-10-27T19:01:00.004-05:00

Hello folks. The blog is not dead, contrary to popular opinion. In fact, it is currently in a revitalization period and we have yet to reach our peak. But there will be no giggling children metaphors in this post, oh no. If I may for a minute or two, my friends, it's time to get serious. Srsly. Super Srsrsrlslrly.

Do we or do we not trust Ted Thompson? There has been an incredible debate lately, even more than usual, on the topic of TT: his competence, intelligence, drafting decisions, football knowledge and so on in that fashion until he is stripped of every fiber of his humanity. There has also been a great slip in confidence in the pro-TT community. Myself and the Baron consider ourselves to be some of the original members of the pro-TT crowd - we liked TT before it was in style.

I will not try to persuade the many TT haters that are out there - they are beyond help as their blind hatred of a GM prevents them from being fans of the team. Of course, that's not the way they see it. To themselves, they are purists standing on principle and becoming martyrs for their childhood team as the barbarians inside Lambeau wreak havoc and turn it into something unrecognizable: 3-4 defense? Disgusting! Non-Brett Favre at QB? Preposterous! Great passing game complimented by the running game? You don't know football.

There are extremists, no doubt, within the Packer Allegiance. To deny this would be lying, and this blog was founded on truth. Now, the true Packer fans among us have done our very best to oust the traitors and form a new coalition of fandom around Aaron Rodgers, but at nearly every turn we are haunted by the soul of Brett Favre. For every common-sense fan preaching the stat book sermon to the congregation there is at least five Favre acolytes who will stop at nothing except to see Curly Lambeau on his knees in destitution.

The Favre acolytes hate Ted Thompson. That is the simplest explanation there is. They have been so blinded by seventeen years of servitude to their master that anything outside of their comfort setting - that is, whatever Brett Favre wants - boils the pot of rage inside of them like Mount Vesuvius getting ready to unleash it's vengance onto Pompeii. Nothing calms their anger and certainly nothing will change their mind.

So does TT warrant all of the hatred? Now that I have sufficiently broken down the hate factor it is time for even more breaking of things in a downward motion. TT has as good a draft history as any GM in the league. He has drafted a premier player at most positions: Rodgers QB, Jolly DE, Jennings WR, Raji DT, Finley TE, Crosby K, Matthews LB, Spitz C and so on. These players are the core of the team and they are all TT draft picks. We have him to thank for putting a very good team together that will be good to great for the next 5+ years.

The acolytes want nothing more than to see TT gone, and most of them view McCarthy unfavorably as well - not because he is a bad coach, but because he is TT's guy. They claim he ran Favre out of town while sitting on his golden throne of cheese and then going swimming through the $20mill in salary cap money like Scrooge McDuck. Favre, they claim, wanted nothing more than to play for the Packers for the rest of his career. TT drove out a Wisconsin hero, and in doing so became it's worst villain. This through the eyes of the uncleansed.

In reality TT has made very solid pickups in Chuck Woodson(CHARLES FREAKING WOODSON!!!!), Ryan Pickett, Brandon Chillar and Ryan Grant. He does not sit on the money, he doesn't need to spend most of it because there is already a very good core of players and he doesn't need to go get anyone. Now, we'll have an uncapped offseason where teams will be spending like Michael Jackson at a fresh baby market and TT knows this. We are positioned for uncertainty in case a deal gets pushed off or something in that nature.

Moreso in reality is the fact that Favre wanted out of Green Bay after 2007 and the only way he could think to do that was retire - because he was too arrogant to ask for his release or a trade. He knew TT would not just outright release Favre after the amazing year he just had because it would be off with his head, so to speak. I think Favre wanted to play for the Queens the whole time and this season is a culmination of a 2+ year process that finally saw him land in Minnesota, home of the Meager. But enough of what I think, even though those who are in the know know that I am right.

The deeds are done and most have moved on, but this coming Sunday's game will be the final battle of the pro-TT and anti-TT movements. Aaron Rodgers must cement his place and finally beat Favre in front of the Lambeau's 70,000 man army. Rodgers, in the pre-game coin flip ceremony, will not shake hands with Favre but will instead show off his green #4 jersey that he is sporting - an obvious shot at Favre. Then Rodgers will rip it off Hulk Hogen-style and revealed will be the most glorious color of white your eyes could ever see, all trapped inside of the number Twelve. Favre, unable to look away, will immediately drop to his knees and weep like he did at his first retirement press conference. I will be laughing on my couch as I watch this unfold on Fox Television.

Packers 33
Queens 26

Brewers: 55-57

2009-08-11T23:24:00.003-05:00

The Brewers have now given up 56 hits and 29 runs against the Padres - a team that ranks last AVG, Runs scored, SLG% and second last in OPS - in 4 games.

Congratualtions, Brewers. Your season is officially over.

Umpiring 101

2009-08-09T17:50:00.007-05:00

What do we call a pitch 6" outside? What's that kids? A "ball"? Well you're fat and also stupid and judging by that comment probably have never played the game of baseball like MLB Umpires are required to do, thus not knowing proper baseballness.

Larry Vanover hates the Brewers. That is the only conclusion I come to after staring at these pictures for hours.

"Well what do the robots tell us!?", they shout! "Surely they cannot be sure it was a strike! O' Machinery!"

The purpose for this post is to show how just much LARRY VANOVER sucks at his job and probably bets on baseball*. But I'm sure he got 95% of the calls right!

*probably does not bet on baseball

Edit - Our beautiful and talented friends at Brew Crew Ball give us the catchers view. Just as bad.

New newness

2009-08-07T19:35:00.003-05:00

There is now a slightly more sensual and relaxed layout here. It all started when I accidentally erased everything except the posts.

So do not be alarmed. It is all for the greater good.

You can have this mess, Macha

2009-08-01T11:41:00.002-05:00

I am going to China for 2 months, leaving on August 3rd from O'Hare. And I must say, it will be a relief to be away from the Brewers for a while, our awful pitching staff cant even keep a 7-1 lead, it pains me. I can still follow them online, but at least now I wont be tempted to watch on TV, because even though I love the games, it is just to painful.

Brewers: 49-50

2009-07-28T14:05:00.003-05:00

Tom H: This was the accurate assessment of the Brewers' starting rotation by a scout tonight: "They've got 1 good pitcher -- Gallardo."

Macha: “The fans are getting a little restless and I don’t blame them,” said Brewers manager Ken Macha after his team allowed at least seven runs for the ninth time in July. “We can’t continue to have to get four innings from the bullpen every night.”

Hints, please?

Because that is exactly what is going to happen the rest of the year unless something changes. And with every passing loss to horrible teams and division opponents, I think more and more of just giving up on this season altogether. A horrible, fair-weather fan's mentality, yes I know. Awful. Disgraceful. Something only mentioned by the very least of Brewer fans.

Would nabbing a SP really help us this year? Really? You know the answer is no. Sure, we may win 3 or 4 more games, but unless Pujols wakes up with no legs or Tulowitski suffers from a bout of Mountain Madness, we are not getting the Wild Card.

You have to ask if the comp picks we'd get after they walk in Free Agency are worth more than the package you give up to get that SP. What's the point?

NOTE: The dirt is not thrown on them yet, I remain hopeful and these feelings are only reserved for a few weeks down the road.

Brewers: 49-49

2009-07-26T15:58:00.003-05:00

A horrible ending to a possibly promising series. I was thinking of the Brewers record in games that Chris Smith makes an appearance(after losing yet another one in which he does), and it was worse than I had ever imagined.

In games Chris Smith makes appearance: 1-18

Let me repeat that: One and Eighteen. So basically, using Chris Smith in a game means Macha is screaming, "UNCLE! Please GOD make it STOP!" to the opposing team. And what's slightly odd about that is you'd expect Smith to be awful and he's really not: 3.76ERA coming into today(4.18 after today's game).

He does have a tendency to give up the long ball(8HR in 28IP), which highly increases his Suck Index by quite a bit. Some of it may just be bad luck. Some may be due to the fact that he's used more frequently when we're behind in games, or something like that.

Idea: Stop using Chris Smith
Result: We will go 4-15 in the replacement's next 19 appearances, thus netting +3 wins.

I really should be a manager.

Brewers' pain, my gain

2009-07-25T23:19:00.006-05:00

Although the Brew Crew won today, and for that I am grateful, the heartache they have caused me since the All-Star break has given me inspiration; inspiration to write amazing haiku; of course I will start out with the average ones, but the last one you read will blow your mind, not just because I never end my sentences, using a never ending stream of semicolons, but because it is the purest Haiku ever written; I shed tears for the Japanese, that they have been bested by an American in their own art.

Gallardo, the man
the Brewers only hope left
hark! I see Lopez!

the pain I suffer
watching them lose every day
I ask for pitching

Tim is one fat oaf
frisbee, scorn, a heretic
I curse you with fat

and the Coup de grâce:

Five seven then five
Poem, the audacity
I weep all day long

I hope you cried as much as I did after reading my work; and Japan, I apologize, but you just got served.

Brewers: 48-48

2009-07-25T13:28:00.004-05:00

After last night's embarassment of a game Prince Fielder made a brilliant comment after going 0-4 with 4Ks.

“I didn’t make any contact. I don’t know what else to say,” said Fielder

That's weird. Last time Prince struck out 4 times he also had 3 doubles and 2HR in the same game. Rare is the game where one strikes out 4 times and does not make good contact on the baseball. The two seem to go hand in hand.

Can you just beat up Manny Parra again, please?

Or maybe next time say, "Yeah, I struck out 4 times, but so what? I'm Prince Fielder and I have an awesome 1.036 OPS this year and I think I can afford to have an off day once in a while. Can a brother buy a pitching staff?"

Something along the lines of that would do.

Do not be swayed

2009-07-24T12:54:00.005-05:00

I hope that Melvin is not swayed by the news of Matt Holliday going to the retards down in St. Louis, and recklessly goes out and trades for a #1 SP like I warned against. I am a seer, mind you.

It is a lot to give up for 2 months of Holliday, but they may be able to resign him. They need someone to replace the legendary bat of Chris Duncan, do they not?

One thing I did not do was suggest a pitcher other than Halladay. I will do that. Toss it up between Doug Davis, Brian Bannister, Jarod Washburn and some other guy that I can't think of right now.

DM: Don't make the trade for Halladay

2009-07-23T11:29:00.005-05:00

Mr. Melvin, sir. I know you read this blog and take what you read and put it deep within your soul, so this has to be said. Do NOT trade for Roy Halladay anymore. I was linked to a small article today by the wonderful and beautiful and lovely and nice Trenni Kusnierek's twitter account. Yeah, I'm buddies with her and everything - so what? IT READS:

"Report: Brewers "serious player" in trade sweepstakes for Toronto's Roy Halliday."

I will ignore the fact that 620WTMJ spelled 'Halladay' wrong. That would only be a micro-point, in a whole stew of points. I've been seeing a lot of statements like that recently, which in turn caused my very large uber-brain to ponder if the trade talks were actually heating up a bit.

I was for this trade had it happened before the All-Star break, but now that there's just about two months to go in the season, I have soured. Halladay is sitting right now with a WARP(wins above replacement player) of 4.5. That is good. That is delightfully good. By comparison my boy Danny Haren is leading baseball at 9.2. Manny Parry is at -1.4. Thanks Manny!

So while Halladay has been great, he hasn't been as valuable as Haren, Grienke, Jurrjens, Lincecum, Cain, or even King Felix. Yet the Jays are asking for the farm. Literally. The trade would most certainly involve Alcides Escobar and 3-4 other 'Tier 2' prospects like Brett Lawrie and such. And then probably Parra too. That is a hell of a lot of value to give up for 1 1/2 years of the Doc. Parra has looked great since returning from AAA and if he leaves we still have 2 dead spots in the rotation, so no problem is really solved. Any deal for Halladay must NOT include Parra.

If we traded for Halladay today(sans Parra) and he pitched today, he would see around 14 starts between now and the end of the season. With Mike Burns pitching we would win maybe 5 of those starts(worst case). With Roy to bump him out of the rotation we'd see our wins jump to around 10. Is giving up Escobar worth 5 wins this season? We are currently on pace for a 82-80 season; concievably, with Halladay we'd be looking at around 87 wins putting us at 87-75. Is that enough to win the division?

We report; you decide.

Movie History

2009-07-22T10:34:00.003-05:00

Super Mario Brothers. Many people had told me their hate for this movie. But I must ask, why? It was funny, it had a story that was succinct, and it was stupid, but in an amusing way, the characters were likable and the sets were done well. I like this movie, yet people put it on the same page as Gigli, it makes me sick. It got a 6% from Rotten Tomatoes a site that I USED to like, but now just makes me upset. My only hope is that one day I can find this great movie from my childhood on DVD so I can keep it forever. Some might hate me for saying this, but I put it on the same level of enjoyment as TMNT I & II. This is for you Mario Bros.

New Brewer

2009-07-20T13:08:00.004-05:00

We welcome new Brewer leadoff man Felipe Lopez. May his bat hit many balls.

THOUGHTS: Gave up basically nothing for him. Stability at the top of the order, Gamel can play everyday in AAA, yada yada yada

He'll be fine, and after he's done being fine he'll net us a comp pick and leave. Then Weeks comes back next year and we're +1 a prospect!

Prediction: Hardy gets traded soon for a SP(not Halladay) and Escobar makes his debut.

Jason Kendall should not leadoff

2009-07-18T14:03:00.003-05:00

Now, normally I will not post other people's comments from the forums i frequent, but this one was too good and very timely. Jason Kendall should not leadoff. Ken Macha needs to be stopped and this is why:

"Jason Kendall has the worst OPS in baseball among qualified players over the past 3 years. He is now the Brewers' lead-off hitter. I can't stress enough how unacceptable I find this. You want the worst hitter in baseball getting as few at-bats as possible, not as many as possible. Moving him from 8th to lead-off is an additional 65 or so plate appearances over the remainder of the season. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE! I can't understand what Macha is doing. Melvin or Attanasio needs to put a stop to this lunacy. Kendall is the definition of a terrible hitter, having him hit leadoff is arguably worse than when the Cubs had Neifi Perez bat 1st or 2nd for most of 2005 because at least Neifi had a tiny bit of power. I almost feel like Macha needs to be taken to The Hague and shamed for all the world to see. This kind of terrible decision-making must be brought to light."

Perfect, Class A rant. Would Yost bat Kendall at leadoff? Me thinks not.

I knew it!

2009-07-18T10:51:00.002-05:00

"And in case you were wondering, research finds Democrats support the designated-hitter rule more than Republicans."

Those sons of bitches, will they never repent of their evil ways? I cry myself to sleep some nights thinking about it.

Article

A Tribute Cont'd...

2009-07-14T11:25:00.006-05:00

Prince wins the derby in glorious fashion, as we knew he would(I called a Nelson Cruz / Prince Fielder showdown beforehand. Trust me). And upon accepting the trophy UNTUCKS THE JERSEY, right in the Cardinals home field. After a win over Pujols. Awesome.

So in honor of Prince, a haiku:

The Prince has prevailed,
Cards' fan weeps at the mere sight,
untuck that jersey

ALERT: The Patriot List cont'd...

2009-07-08T15:32:00.008-05:00

Oh yes, urgency is needed. Hence the Jackbeard. From this moment on urgent, alerty type posts will required to include the Jackbeard. If the post does not include Jackbeard, then it is not urgent. Got it? Good.

Of course, as most of us freedom loving, rugged individualists already know, Sarah Palin stepped down as governor of Alaska. I have read many articles claiming this is genius and many claiming this is stupid. And that she's stupid. And her kids are stupid, too. At the moment I don't really have an opinion on it. It seems like she's reason for genuine reasons like all the ethics complaints and such, but we cannot be sure.

Thusly, until further notice; or until she reveals to us that she will indeed be running in 2012, Sarah Palin is coming off the Patriots List. I know, I know... it pains me greatly to do this. This is like a decision to eat or to not eat at Culvers on a Saturday after eating there every single weekday. We have to make the wise choice, and let this Palin-burger(it's a triple patty w/ onions) digest for a while.

Note: *WE STILL LOVE SARAH, WE JUST NEED TO MAKE SURE OF WHAT SHE IS DOING* But for now it's time for someone else to assume her spot on the List while she wallows in obscurity for the time being.

There will be a poll for this. Here are the nominees:

1. John "Allotted Time" Boehner - For his tour de force performance on the House floor last week and for making Henry Waxman angry

2. Marco "The Hand" Rubio - For running against an establishment RINO like Charlie Crist and giving a big middle finger to the NRSC

3. Peter "Not My Kids" King - For calling out Michael Jackson idolizers and also for being good on national defense. But mostly for the MJ thing.

4. Thaddeus "In Jest" McCotter - For his appearances on the late-night show Red Eye that make me laugh. Also for his ability to play the guitar behind his back.

There are your nominees. Please make a wise choice.

Another douche, another day, another liberal asshole

2009-07-01T10:30:00.004-05:00

Minnesota; this, is your senator. Congratulations, you are all idiots.

How long did this race go on for? Good thing franken (see how I don't capitalize his name? I have 0 respect for him, terrible human being) was wearing diapers over the time, or else he might not have made it through the long haul. The funny part is, now that he is a senator, instead of filling his pants with shit, he will fill all of America with his shit. Again, thank you so much, Minnesota. I must say again, you are all idiots.

Brett Favre will be a Viking: Part 2

2009-06-18T02:04:00.001-05:00

Is there something wrong with this picture?

Do you REALLY want to go there, Brett?

2009-06-10T12:01:00.004-05:00

So, Brett. It's come to this, has it? You horrible beast. You traitorous fiend. Benedict Favre, is thy name. No, he has not signed yet, but we all know it's only a matter of time before Favre ends up with the Queens.

I cannot wait until October 5th, when the Rodgers-led Packers machine destroys the Queens in the most ungodly way imaginable and afterwards Favre realizes what a horrible mistake he's made in coming back. Again. But moreso I cannot wait until November 1st, when Favre, shaken by the Queens' mediocre start and the waning of his own career, is introduced onto the field in the pregame. He is hence booed mercilessly and all the walls of his Sears Tower Ego come crashing down.

Oh yes, Brett. You will rue the day you put on the traitor colors. You know what putting on the uniform of the evil will make you, and yet you will do it. You truly are selling your soul to Satan.

Manny Parra: Exciting Prospect or TTG?

2009-06-03T00:14:00.004-05:00

Death is not pleased. He is not pleased at all with the way his young charge, Manny Parra, is performing in his current role as starter for the Milwaukee Brewers. The tolerance of Brewers fans wears thin, PARRYBOY. Start after start goes by without a consistently good base, and yet we still believe in you after one of those "pretty good" performances where you show what it takes to be in the big leagues. Then you come out with 2 more crappy starts just to piss us off..like today. WHO GIVES UP 10 EARNED RUNS TO A MARLINS TEAM WITH LESS FANS IN THE STANDS THEN THE MILWAUKEE IRON ON A SUNDAY AFTERNOON? And the Iron don't even have Gravedigger Gilbert as a coach to draw in fans like the Bonecrushers. Unforgiveable.

Manny, I almost wish you were the second part of a trade bait I would love to see completed. Manny Parra and Corey Hart for an even exchange of better, possibly more veteran caliber. We give up two possibly great players but..in my opinion neither will ever materialize into a solid baseball player.

Sorry Manny, YOU GOTTA GO. THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN.

My Sabretooth Look

2009-06-02T23:59:00.003-05:00

So for the Wolverine movie that came out last month I decided to grow out some great chops in dedication to Hugh Jackman's hard work into the film which surprisingly did not suck. But after X-Men 3 I think it is pretty close to impossible to achieve worse. After I grew out my chops I became identified with Sabretooth from the film. And it was awesome

VS.

Bet of the Ages

2009-06-02T23:32:00.006-05:00

So Jared and I have a bet laid upon the table which is to be fulfilled before the summer ends. Thus explains another absence by yours truly. But by now you probably have hundreds of thoughts of what this "bet" could be. Is it who can steal Ryan Braun's personal batting gloves, to stealing a fork at Ponderosa, or even the deed of going the whole summer without a meal at Culvers. Unfortunately all of these deeds are still up in the air. But the true bet is who can write an efficient and mind blowing 200 page novel. So far I am 6 pages in, but believe me these 6 pages are enough to baffle any philosopher who tries to break down and understand the actions of mankind to even astronomers who gaze into the heavens and predict when Mars will eclipse with the Sun to give my super powers back and worrying if their elegant Mothers will truly serve 9 delicious pickles. But yeah Jared's is about orcs and fighting throughout the ages while I depict a chaotic monster world which needs saving.

The Baron vs The Motherland

2009-05-20T17:59:00.002-05:00

Recently, The Baron went on a trek across Europe with our good fellow blogger Death. The Baron was determined to conquer the Danube River in an attempt to become greater than the Motherland herself.

The River spoke, and swallowed him up as he mocked it from the shoreline. Only by his great Thiesfeldt bloodlines was he saved. The river ate him and then spat him out as if to say, "I cannot devour one of my own, but let this be a lesson to you!".

Dick Cheney Frowns...

2009-05-20T12:11:00.017-05:00

...And the world weeps. Barry Obama is planning a dueling speech with former VP and current #3 Patriot Dick Cheney.

The dueling speeches amount to the most direct engagement so far between Obama and his conservative critics in the volatile argument over what tactics are justified in detaining and interrogating suspected enemy combatants.

I am thinking of a scenario where Barry sends out his bloodhound Joe Biden to wreak havoc on Dick Cheney's speech...

"... and that is why I believe the President is making this country less safe. Thank you all."

*barges in from back doors obnoxiously* "Hey Dicky! Why don't you shoot that microphone in the face! HA! Oh, I'm sorry buddy... am I interrupting something?"

"Joe effing Biden. So President Prissy Pants sent his lapdog out to sabotage my conference, huh? Well you're too late. I just finished."

"Wait.. what? Damn! O-dog is gonna kill me! I knew I shouldn't have stopped at Kate's Barber, just your regular small town hair salon, and gotten a trim. Oh well, I look good. Right Dick?"

*YAWN* "It's been fun, Joe. I mean that. But, really, I must be going."

"Uh... No, wait! WAIT!" *talking to himself* "Idiot! Look what you've done! Barry's gonna get me good for this... I'll have to retreat to my secret bunker that I revealed the location of a few days ago. What am I doing here again?"

"You're talking out loud Joe, we can all hear you. Now, you tried to sabotage my speech, but you failed. Just like your boss is failing. Also, your mother hates you."

"Oooh... Why are you so mean, Dick? I mean, what have I ever done to you, except crashing your speech like this and calling you 'the most dangerous VP in history' during the debates last year."

"I suggest you leave now, Joe. For your own good."

"Hey, jerkface guy. I think I know what's good for me, here. And leaving is not it. Now if you've got somethin' to say let's hear it, Dick!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

*drops to ground and weeps uncontrollably* "You... are... the master."

"We're done here."

A Tribute

2009-05-18T18:51:00.003-05:00

Alas, we have all heard the devastating news by now. Rickie Weeks is out for the season.

WHY HAVE THE BASEBALL GODS DONE THIS TO US??? WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE SUCH PUNISHMENT? Was it the untucked jerseys that LaRussa and the Cardinals so frown upon? It cannot be, for the root of the 'untuckem' is pure of heart.

Nay, it was indeed the Cardinals themselves, lead by the treacherous Tony LaRussa, who has hexed him. You disgust me St. Louis, you and your witchcraft know no limits, do they?

And now, in tribute to the great Rickie Weeks; an FTF exclusive haiku:

Rickie, you are missed
We waited for potential
Brewer nation weeps

And a special haiku, bringing a curse upon the Cardinals:

LaRussa, be warned
Your efforts will be repaid
A curse unto thee

YOU HEAR THAT CARDINALS? I pray to the statue of Ryan Braun that you are, my former friends in St. Louis. You have crossed the line with this and we SHALL HAVE RETRIBUTION!

ON TO THE SWEEP! ON TO THE 'UNTUCKEM'! ON TO THE PLAYOFFS!

Twitter'ded...ed.

2009-05-18T11:31:00.002-05:00

So we're going to try this Twitter business again. We had it started up a while ago, but lost interest mostly because it's stupid and boring and I hate it.

BUT, I had a slight change of heart and decided that it will be used to force everyone to read the articles that I read every day. Yes, I could discuss the articles here, but this blog is reserved for heavy hitters like Joe Biden comics and Brewers discussion. We shan't waste our time posting on every little news item that pops up. SHAN'T!

Now, go. GO, you faithful readers and press that 'follow' button ever so dutifully.

http://twitter.com/FightTheFat

Baseball Repentance: Brewers 23-14

2009-05-17T17:19:00.004-05:00

Forgive me, Father Braun, for I have sinned. I did not believe. I did not have faith. You spoke words of wisdom and grace, but I did not listen wholeheartedly. I saw the 4-9 record and was losing hope.

Oh, have mercy on me Baseball Gods. I know what I have done is but a frogstep away from treachery. My loyalty has come into question. I COME NOW IN SEARCH NOT OF APPROVAL, BUT OF FORGIVENESS! Have mercy, Father Braun. Take me back under your wingspan. I will be your fiercest advocate, for I am no longer a Doubting Thomas. I have seen the error of my ways and now... NOW I BELIEVE!!!

178-151 Run differential. +27.

23-14 W/L. 1st Place in NL Central

19-5 since my near betrayal.

Suppan since I faltered: 5-1 W/L 37IP 2.92ERA

I am no longer in a position to question the Brewers, but for one exception: Corey Hart. Corey Hart needs to leave this team. I, now, am calling for a trade of said Hart to the Padres in a deal for Jake Peavy. That is right. It has taken me 3+ years to sour on Hart, but it has happened. Last year's September shenannigans did not help his cause any, either. I AM A REVIVED BREWERS FAN, AND AS SUCH AM PREDICTING A COREY HART TRADE!

Let the events unfold.

The day would come...

2009-05-16T09:57:00.006-05:00

Where I had to applaud Russia for doing something right over America. What I talk about, my good readers is a recent story that I read on Associated Press. There were several gay rights protests in Moscow and the police quickly shut them down, in a violent way. I guess my views will come to light here, but I do not see a problem at all with this, I actually applaud them. "Gay people are part of Europe, they are part of Russia — their rights and freedoms are as important as everyone else's." A one, Peter Tatchell said, a British gay rights advocate. My big problem is, being gay is a sexual deviance, just the same as rape, child pornagraphy and human sex trafficking. Should we all embrace these? Lets hold a parade for them, and demand equal rights for them all, it is descrimination that these people are registered with the state and national government as offenders, and thus can be run out of town by concerned parents and townsfolk. You would think I was crazy, right? These offenses are on the same level as being gay. Some people disagree, but being gay is a choice, a wrong choice.

I have to give my cudos to Russia, who still believe that a sin is a sin, and do not turn and embrace it like today's heathen America. In the end picture, I would never want to life in Russia, I love my life in America; but Russia has at least one thing they can hang over our heads now, and I commend them for it. "(Gay pride events) not only destroy moral foundations of our society, but also purposefully provoke disturbances that will threaten the lives and safety of Moscow residents and guests," - City Hall spokesman Sergei Tsoi. This Sergei says it all, and what I would like to point out is this so called "First Amendment" that we Americans apparently "have". Lets compare with Russia here:

America: Loves gays // Russia: Hates gays

America: Welcomes protests~equal rights // Russia: Breaks up protests,
denounces homosexuality

America: Country of debauchery // Russia: Country of restricted freedom

America: Despises anyone who renounces homosexuality, reviles them

Russia: Despises anyone who is homosexual, reviles them

America: Teases, taunts, refuses to acknowledge anti-gay efforts, to the point where they will take it to a legal court for discrimination

Russia: Teases, taunts, refuses to acknowledge homosexuals, where they will use violent action to break up demonstrations

Wow, look at that, we are pretty similar right? Looks like out so called country of the free is just the same as Russia when it comes down to some subjects, and here is what I have been alluding too this whole time: Russia has it right with the violent crackdown, and America is 180 degrees completely opposite, other side of the spectrum. Well, if Russia is right, then that makes us very very wrong. Where do gay rights organizers get the idea that they can opress freedoms, because they live in a sexual sin? It makes me sick.

Image and quotes taken from Associated press. You can read the original article here

My Great Apology to Everyone

2009-05-06T08:07:00.002-05:00

Sorry my fellow brethren for my lack of posting throughout the past month. But due to my infamous trip to Europe my school work, let us just say has been greatly delayed. So school has pretty much been dominating me for the past 3 weeks and I despise it. But as school comes to a close I will be with you on a daily routine as the summer approaches. For instance my softball teams have been successful so far, Tuesdays 0-1 but lost to the best team 10-8, and a standout performance by yours truly. Throwing no walks throughout the whole game, getting 3 K's, and my bat was functional as well going 3-3 with a walk. And the 3 hits combusted to two singles and a triple, yet questionable in the park home run. Then Church league debuts tonight for Trinity, and Thursday we play a thug team and continue our winning streak, for we are 1-0 in that league as thus.

Heed his warning

2009-05-01T17:20:00.016-05:00

Swine flu. Minimal outbreak? World pandemic? The beginning of the zombie apocalypse? We can't be sure. We can't be sure, that is, until Joe Biden has his say. Out of concern for everyone in the country and that mass-transit may be in too little debt, Biden says "OH MY GOD DON'T GO ON SUBWAYS OR EVEN GO OUTSIDE".

I'm sure we've all heard that news by now. What do you think Barry and Joe were talking about behind closed doors that made Joe freak? Did Barry say, "Hey. Joe. I want you to start a panic somehow. This swine flu thing'll do just dandy!" And Joe, never missing an opportunity to go on TV replys, "HELLS BELLS, Barry! Time for Scranton's finest to show his quality!"

Something like that. That is an obvious LOTR: Two Towers reference there, by the way.

We can only imagine how it actually went...

*Joe Biden struts into the Oval Office in his normal casual demeanor*
"Barry! I just heard this great joke from Gibbs. What came first - the Muslim or the Jew?"

"..."

"What are you, a sheikh or somethin'? Rimshot, baby! Come on, Barry. Lighten up. It's a beautiful day!"

"Joe.. Do you even watch the news?"

"Well, I.."

"Oh, shut up already. Look, there's this swine flu outbreak happening and..."

"YEAH! I heard about that. Didn't someone die in Mexico after touching you? How awesome is that?! It's like you have super powers that you can choose to use for good or for evil, and even though you're kinda a good person I guess, the guy dies! It's like that time in Scranton where me an.."

"JOSEPH BIDEN! MY SUPERPOWERS ARE NOT FOR GOOD OR EVIL, GOT THAT?"

"Huh?..."

"Damnit Joe, now I've gone and said too much. *sigh* Yes, I have superpowers. So what? It's not like I can shoot bullets out of my fingers or anything."

"Now you wait just a damn minute Mr. President. You mean to tell me you can fly?!"

"... No, Joe. I cannot fly. But I am impervious to all disease. Much like the swine flu, which is what we were talking about. Now, Joe; I'm going to need you to go out and be all 'Biden-y' and stir up a controversy for me. Go on the news and tell everyone how horrible the swine flu is. Don't go on the subway, airplanes.. yada yada yada."

"So... you're telling me you can't fly?..."

"Why did I pick you for VP again?"

"Because I'm the man, Barry! UP TOP!" *goes in for high-five*

"Alright Joe, alright. You can be the man if you do this for me. Now fly! FLY, you fool! To the newsroom!"

"I just have one question for you: Can I say, 'Gird your loins.'?"

"...fine"

"BOO YA!"

I don't have the exact transcripts, but I'm pretty sure it went something like that. A lot of nonsense and a heinous plot that we will never know of.

Whats the big discussion?

2009-05-01T13:49:00.003-05:00

New Supreme Court justice, we all know Mr. Hussein Obama is going to appoint the most liberal piece of crap person he can find. On the news they keep talking about diversity, don't believe a word. That's the truth.

Dominance, anyone?

2009-04-30T12:09:00.007-05:00

We all knew Yovani Gallardo was amazing, but last afternoon, he further humiliated an already distraught Pirates club. Not only did they extend their losing streak to the brewers to 15, it was in such an inglorious way.

If you did not watch the game ( or listen on the radio as I do on the way to work) shame on you. Yo pitched 8 innings of perfection, giving up 2 hits, that's 2 away from a no-hitter, mind you. "Well with such power, how much did the Brewers win by?" I'll tell you, my foolish, imaginary friend; the score was 1-0 Brew Crew.

You pump that fist, you deserve it

"Wow, 1-0! Was it the beast Braun that gave us our edge over the Scalawags?" Hohoho, my friend, not this time. Although Braun is an all powerful Brewer machine, he has some class. I believe he refused to hit well in yesterday's game; in a way to defy the Pirates after getting hit by a kid.

Allow me to explain. How do you think it feels, to pitch a brilliant game, not allow any of the Brewers to score, and lost 1-0? You can ask Sheets about now that feels, he sure knows. But to add on to it, the only scoreing was from the oposing pitcher; not a single, not driving another teammate in, no. He did it all himself, smashing a homerun and laughing the whole way around the bases. (speculation) Simply. Amazing.

May 4th and 5th, the Crew will travel to Pittsburgh where they will no doubt extend their streak to 17. But this time we will do it in the faces of the fans, in defiance. Again, the wrath of Braun. I have a feeling this is going to be a very good season, our Crew are playing with feeling and guts, that means 1 thing, Division, maybe even a Pennant championship. Yeah, I said it.

More Braun fury

2009-04-28T19:15:00.003-05:00

"When I saw it on replay today, I was even madder," said Braun. "That was way too high."

"I guarantee you that kid wanted nothing to do with it," said Braun. "It came from somebody else. He wouldn't even look at me."

"We're the wrong team to mess with," said Braun. "No disrespect to anybody but we're a different team."

Is Ryan Braun your favorite player yet? Because he should be. The 2nd quote is my favorite. "He wouldn't even look at me." HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!?!?! And I also love how he constantly refers to Karstens as "kid".

"Yeah. I'm Ryan Braun, who are you? What? Karst-WHO? Didn't you hear me say that I'm Ryan Braun? Stop looking at me, kid."

That's also what he was thinking.

Braun calls out Pirates' hitman

2009-04-28T13:48:00.004-05:00

Had you watched the game in due diligence last night, as I did, you would have seen the great Ryan Braun get beaned in the back by Pirates' pitcher Jeff Karstens. The photo above proves that Braun was not too delighted about it. It was obviously intentional and the ump warned both benches.

In the post-game interview with Braun, after the Crew had sufficiently kicked the crap out of the Buccos, Braun called out Karstens and said, "Tell Mr. Selig that next time that kid pitches he's probably getting one in the ribs."

Post-game Audio - quote is near the end

I. LOVE. RYAN. BRAUN.

It might be a better rivalry if the Pirates weren't the Brewers' personal punching bag over the last 2 seasons. 13 STRAIGHT WINS, BABY! HOW DOES THAT TASTE, PIRATES?

OUST THE TRAITORS: PART 5 - Benedict Arlen has finally done it -

2009-04-28T12:10:00.004-05:00

It finally happened. The day we all knew was coming has come to fruition. Our resident Republican traitor Arlen Specter has finally pulled the ultimate plug and switched to the Democrat Party. I am disgusted and also quite furious. He provided an article of betrayal via the snakes at Politico:

I have been a Republican since 1966. I have been working extremely hard for the Party, for its candidates and for the ideals of a Republican Party whose tent is big enough to welcome diverse points of view.

Is that why you vote with the Dems so much you back-stabbing Judas? I seem to remember you voting for the largest spending bill in the history of human civilization. How'd that work out for ya? Ohhh, I see. Biden BOUGHT YOU, didn't he? Arlen, you have long been the subject of the Oust the Traitors program. I remember not long ago when Biden schmoozed Lasagna Cheeks up and tried to get him to switch parties.

Since my election in 1980, as part of the Reagan Big Tent, the Republican Party has moved far to the right. Last year, more than 200,000 Republicans in Pennsylvania changed their registration to become Democrats. I now find my political philosophy more in line with Democrats than Republicans.

What a load of tomfoolery. Moved far to the right? Is that a joke? The current Republican Party is probably the most "moderate" and squishy as has ever been. ESPECIALLY you hounds in the Senate - Most of them are liberal Republicans just chomping at the bit to become part of the Dem machine. You're a real piece of crap, Arlen.

When I supported the stimulus package, I knew that it would not be popular with the Republican Party. But I saw the stimulus as necessary to lessen the risk of a far more serious recession than we are now experiencing.

And how'd that stimulus work out, you moron? Seems like unemployment has gone up quite a bit since then. GM is about to cut 20,000 jobs. Hell, I LOST MY JOB ARLEN. ARE YOU GOING TO COME TALK TO ME ABOUT HOW THE STIMULUS WORKED?

Since then, I have traveled the state, talked to Republican leaders and office-holders and my supporters and I have carefully examined public opinion. It has become clear to me that the stimulus vote caused a schism which makes our differences irreconcilable. On this state of the record, I am unwilling to have my twenty-nine year Senate record judged by the Pennsylvania Republican primary electorate. I have not represented the Republican Party. I have represented the people of Pennsylvania.

Pardon my Frenchola, but you piece of shit. You were never a Republican and there was always a schism between your liberal views and the rest of the country. It's disgusting that you kept getting reelected by your pawns in Pennsylvania.

You represented no one except yourself, Lasagna Cheeks. You will be welcomed with open arms into the Democrat Party. Why? You are the prodical son, Arlen. You were always a liberal democrat and now you're finally going home. Biden must have some real dirt on you, Arlen. An act of this magnitude would be unforgivable normally, but in this instance it was expected. HOW MUCH DID BIDEN PAY YOU? Was it 30 pieces of silver, you traitor?

In the end, this is good for our side - the side of Good. We oust one traitorous, liberal, alien creature who would normally vote with the Dems anyways, and in 2010 Pat Toomey will win Specter's old Senate seat. YOU WILL NOT BE REELECTED, ARLEN. YOU ARE FINISHED.

DRAFT DAY!!

2009-04-25T10:34:00.002-05:00

Oh yes, it's Christmas II. Otherwise known as NFL Draft Day. I would take the day off from work if I had a job. It is one of the most sacred days of the Sporting Year. Right behind Opening Day for the Brewers. And maybe the Packers too. Those beloveds are like 1b.

So who will Ted Thompson aka THE GURU draft today? Well, I'm glad you asked. Because I know the answer....

..."With the 9th pick in the 2009 NFL Draft, the Green Bay Packers select.... BJ RAJI"

And that's how it's going down today. However, it should be said that if Raji is taken TT will be forced to trade down to no lower than 15. I must cover my beautiful bases here.

Brewers: 4-9

2009-04-22T17:41:00.004-05:00

Alright Brew Crew. I'll save everyone from the embarrassment that was last night's game. It was so bad, I didn't even watch the whole thing. ME. AKA The Greatest Brewer Fan in History. Even I could not watch the beatdown that ensued last night. Make a note of that Mark A - I know you're listening to me, as you should be - I give you until the set date of May 20th to turn it around. OR ELSE! Feelin' the heat yet? Yeah. Good. Cuz I'm bringing it. THE HEAT, that is.

There was one beautiful vine to come out of last night's thornbush. That wonderfully cultivated vine is Ryan Braun. Going 5-5 with 2HR while the rest of the team drank booze and passed out on the field. I'm lookin' at you Weeks. I don't care if you have a concussion on the field. STAY IN THE GAME. You didn't see Yo Gallardo crying after the snakes from Wrigley Field tore his ACL, did you? No. He said, "Time to man up. Like a man." And he finished the inning and pitched one MORE inning after that. We need manly men on this team.

QUICK - LIST THE MANLY MEN CURRENTLY ON THE BREWER ROSTER:

1. Ryan Braun
2. Yo Gallardo
3. JJ Hardy
4. Seth McClung
5. Pirate Kendall
6. Todd Coffey

If you're not on the Manly Men list then you need to step your game up. I play beer-league softball. I think I would know how it's done.

I included Coffey only because he ran like a freight train out of the bullpen the other day in full-sprint mode. Seeing that brought joy to millions.

A Great Day, A Red Day -- AND THE SUN RISES

2009-04-22T16:43:00.002-05:00

Death has finally passed through the shadow of school and is cruising on Easy Street (aka summer vacation) for the next four months. After dominating his last exam and stomping on his teacher's face with it..I actually turned it back in and demanded a more difficult exam..I realized that I was done with everything and have only 5 days until I return to Wisconsin.

Is it a good feeling? It's like..walking down the street, tripping on a crack and having 10 billion dollars made of marshmallows break your fall..and the great thing is that in this dream, the 10 billion dollars made of marshmallows are real currency, and you can choose to eat them, save them, or put them in your s'mores. Yeah, it's that good.

So after munching on these gold standard marshmallows, I decided to post all the things I shall do when I am in America that I could not in Europe.

1. Drink a Mountain Dew that costs me less then $4.
2. Eat an entire box of Reeses Puffs.
3. Eat a Culver's burger.
4. Have some Wendy's chili.
5. Dominate everyone in Super Smash Brothers.
6. Insult Jay Cutler.
7. Drive the Honda Accord.
8. See the Baron and Jared the Great in person.
9. Say hello to the Baron's brother.
10. Eat a ton of Chewy Chips Ahoy Cookies.

This is a short list and only scratches the surface, but it's what I must accomplish asap. America the Beautiful..they don't call it that for nothing. SOON, I RETURN.

By the way, I dumped some poisonous radioactive waste in a river today, just for Earth Day.

The Triumphant Return

2009-04-20T13:19:00.006-05:00

Oh yes, L's & G's. The Baron returns today from a 20-ish day voyage of Europe. He defied the Socialists in Sweden. He stood up to the rioting anarchists in London. He looked Hungary in the eye and made them weep for mercy. He made the French look themselves in the mirror - and horror ensued. And yes, he represented the Packers.

I can only wait in gleeful anticipation of the gifts he brings home. Hopefully he remembers my flag.

Ode to Cutler

2009-04-17T09:15:00.005-05:00

Let's all just take a moment here and reflect. We all hate Jay Cutler, do we not? He is a blood-siphoning parasite on the beautifully sculpted body that is the NFL. I know, I know - tell us something we don't know, right?

Well, when you express your fury and type in the phrase "I hate Jay Cutler" on the Google Intertubes, guess what site is #1? THIS SITE. Few times have I been more proud to be a Green Bay Packer fan.

And now, a haiku poem written for everyone's favorite FIB: Jay Cutler.

Cutler whined and groaned,
McDaniels tried to toss bone,
Rodgers sees 2-0

Read it and weep. 5-7-5. Just like the ancestral Japanese did in that Seven Samurai movie.

Note: The last line should read "Rodgers sees TWO OH" not "TWO AND OH" That would not fit in the haiku format, you see.

Brewers: 3-6

2009-04-16T17:49:00.004-05:00

So the season hasn't gotten off on the best 5-toed-foot - i.e. losing 2 of 3 to the SanFran Queers then losing 2 of 3 to the FIBS then losing 2 of 3 to the Commie Reds. Ok, so it's been a suck-fest so far. Suppan will probably lose his starting rotation spot to Big Red McClung eventually. If it does happen it probably won't happen for a while. I'd imagine Macha will have a long leash with him because he's a veteran-y kind of manager. I give him until May 20th. I'm calling it right here, right now. May 20th Suppan will be replaced by Seth McClung in the starting rotation.

There has been a few bright spots. My boy Rickie Weeks looks decent so far, even though he still can't seem to not bounce throws to Prince at 1B. Looper isn't a disaster. That's good. But the best so far has been from Mike Cameron, who is sporting a delicious 1.315 OPS through 34 plate apperances. If the old man can keep it up for a while longer, Braun will get jealous and revert back to the ass-kicking Braun we all know and love.

We've got the Mets next and it'll be Yo vs Santana for Game Uno. Suppan got pushed back a day and is already on some thin ice, seemingly. Or Yo is just better and Macha knew that we wouldn't stand a chance in a Suppan vs Santana match-up.

GO BREWERS!

Bobby, my boy...

2009-04-16T16:32:00.002-05:00

Alright, Bobby. God love ya. You've done plenty of good for Louisiana and the conservative movement in general. BUT... You don't mess with Dick Cheney.

Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-La.) suggested Thursday that former Vice President Dick Cheney should tone down his criticism of President Barack Obama.

Cheney has repeatedly criticized the president’s national security policy, saying recently on CNN’s “State of the Union” that Obama’s decisions “raise the risk to the American people of another attack.”

Asked to respond to Cheney’s remark during an interview ABC’s “Good Morning America,” Jindal said: “I don't think we should question President Obama's patriotism or his intentions.”

OK, Bobby. Fine. You won't question the Bamster's patriotism, but me and my good buddy Dick Cheney will. And Cheney didn't even question Barry's patriotism, he just said his foreign policy sucks big balls and will probably lead to an attack.

You know what Bobby? As much as I love you this calls for punishment. You have been taken off the Patriot List until further notice. Harsh, yes - but needed. And to rub salt and vinegar in the wound he will be replaced by.... WAIT FOR IT.....

DICK CHENEY

That's right. Dick Cheney is now our #3 Patriot. Let this be a lesson for you, Bobby. You need to earn your way back into the hearts and minds of me. Get started.

Brewers: 1-1

2009-04-08T18:24:00.004-05:00

Yo Gallardo puts game 1 out of everyone's memory.

Gallardo (1-0), the Brewers’ promising 23-year-old right-hander, gave up six hits and struck out six while muzzling a Giants team that scored 10 runs on opening day. He also popped a two-out, two-strike pitch over the short left-field corner fence in the fifth, providing himself with all the run support he needed.

Yo's HR was awesome. The best part was scoring 3 runs, it was that I called it. In my head. I thought, "Man.. he's going deep here." And *WHAM* - Yo goes deep. Just call me Baseball Seer.

Bill Schroeder had a line that made me laugh. He said something like, "Center field is like Death Valley. It's only 399ft to dead center, but it plays like it's 415."

You hear that? Even though he proved himself wrong he's still right. Anyways, GO BREWERS!

The Brewers have begun

2009-04-06T18:20:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow marks the beginning of the 2009 baseball season for the beloved Crew.

Baseball Prospectus has the Brewers at 83-79, good for 2nd in the NL Central. If Yo Gallardo isn't sabotaged by the Cubs again like last year, we should at least have one solid pitcher. I am hopeful that Manny Parra can bust out and have around a 3.70ERA which would probably net him around 12-15 wins(for all you "win stat is the ONLY stat" nerds) with our delicious offense.

Ryan Braun will be the NL MVP. Book it. It's gonna happen. Prince will do his best MVP impersonation, but will ultimately fall short. He may have another very good year like back in 2007 when he hit 50HR, but I'll settle for 49.

As you may notice, we will be in full baseball mode for the summer months. The greatest sport the world has ever known is taking over America. That means everything else takes a back seat: Barry Obama trying to ruin the country? It can wait until November. North Korea has nukes? Whatever. They'll understand when Barry says something like, "Hey, you damn commies(irony?). We'd really love to kick some Nork ass, but...well.. it's Opening Day. Just stay quiet for a while, guys.

THE WORLD WILL WAIT FOR BASEBALL

Heritage loves Paul Ryan

2009-04-06T14:16:00.005-05:00

The Heritage Foundation has laid the future of the Movement at the feet of Paul Ryan.

He's young, charismatic and conservative.

The Heritage Foundation, a prominent conservative think tank in Washington,
has anointed this rising GOP star "the leader of the future of the conservative
movement."
...
Elected to Congress in his 20s, he's a self-described nerd.
"I've been reading federal budgets since I was 22-years-old," he said. "That's
kind of a weird thing to admit. It kind of makes me look like a dork."

So instead of snorting coke and agitating banks, Paul Ryan read budgets?.. Hmmm...

Still, Ryan is comfortable zinging the White House budget director by day and hobnobbing at the White House with the chief of staff and treasury secretary by night.

He's confident, not cocky -- he picks up his own dry cleaning -- but he's clearly being groomed. Ryan, however, is wary of party elders. Like last year's GOP presidential nominee, John McCain, he fancies himself a reformer, blaming "them" -- the nameless Republican old guard -- for abandoning principle and shrinking the party.

"A lot of them have retired. A lot of them have lost their elections, and so the way I see it is we've got a younger breed of reformers in the party," he said. "That breed has got to take over and become a reform party."
Ok. Great. But I have to call BS on this one. John McCain didn't yell at Republicans for abandoning priciples; he was the LEADER of those who abandoned principles. Ya know, that's why we lost in November. John McCain, Arlen 'Lasagna Cheeks' Specter and all the rest of those frauds need to retire and get out of the way.

Ryan is part of a new wave of a sort of "in your face" conservatism that isn't afraid of what they believe like those Canadian wannabes in the northeast. You can include Jindal and Palin and all the others on the Patriot List.

Paul Ryan, by being named the Movement's next leader, has moved up one rank on the Patriot List. Congratulations, Ryan. You must be proud.